Healthy Relationships Support Group
No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.
Bottle of Wine
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling.... about women drivers; the woman says, 'So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. ! Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days'.
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No, I think I'll just wait for the police....'
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don't mess with us!!!
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them is hurt. God works in mysterious ways.
After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling.... about women drivers; the woman says, 'So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. ! Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days'.
Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes, I agree with you completely; this must be a sign from God! But you're still at fault...women shouldn't be allowed to drive.
The woman continues, 'And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune.'
Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle and immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, 'Aren't you having any?'
The woman replies, 'No, I think I'll just wait for the police....'
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Women are clever, evil bitches.
Don't mess with us!!!
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
-
I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
got to watch out for those women drivers...they are 50% of the worst drivers....
25 million people laughed !
.
Time you started wearing them.
Bollocks :-)
.
I almost split my trousers laughing!!
.
training session.
Her husband drives her to the airport and wishes her
to have a good trip.
The wife answers : "Thank you honey, what would you
like me to bring for you?"
The husband laughs and says: "An Italian girl !!!"
The woman kept quiet and left.
Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and
asks: "So, honey, how was the trip?"
"Very good, thank you." "And, what happened to my
present?"
"Which present?" She asked.
"The one I asked for - an Italian girl!!"
"Oh, that" she said
"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait for few
months to see if it is a girl !!!"
Moral of the story: Don't tempt a woman, they are
dangerously intelligent!
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."
The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"
The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband."
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."
The doctor comes in and says 'Ah tremendous, I see you've regained
consciousness.
Now you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the
motorway.'
'You're going to be OK, you'll walk again, everything, but something
happened. I'm trying to break this gently but your penis was chopped
off in the wreck and we were unable to find it.'
Now the bloke understandably groans a bit but the doctor goes on,
'You've got 9000 compensation coming to you straight away and we have the
technology now to build you a new penis that will work as well as your
old one did, better in fact.
But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's a thousand pounds an
inch.
The bloke perks up at this.
'So the thing is' the doctor says, 'it's for you to decide how many
inches you want.
But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you
had a five inch one before and you decide to go for a nine incher she might
be a bit put out.
But if you had a nine inch one before and you decide only to invest in
a five incher this time she might be disappointed.'
'So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the
decision.'
So the bloke agrees to discuss it with his wife when she visits him and the
doctor comes back the next day.
'So' says the doctor 'Have you spoken with your wife?'
'I have.' says the fellow.
'And has she helped you in making the decision?
'She has' he replies.
'And what is it?' asks the doctor.
'We're having a f**k* new kitchen.'
f**k* ?
A five letter Coventry swear word ?
.