Healthy Relationships Support Group

No relationship is perfect. A long-term relationship requires constant effort to understand each other, fix misunderstandings, solve problems and continue to grow as both individuals change and evolve. How we deal with our misunderstandings is the focus of this community. Join us to find support, get advice, and share your experience with your relationship.

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hurt

deleted_user
deleted_user
Yesterday my husband came home& we got into an argument. He told me that I had just hurt him by something I said. He told me that I have said things though out our marriage that have hurt him. I guess the point if this is I never relized my words would hurt him. When we use to fight before our separation I would say stuff to make him mad. My husband is a big strong man& when he told me that I hurt him I felt horrible. Sometimes I think we think our words dont hurt our husbands& they do. I've been thinking bout it since last nite. From now on I will try to watch what I say. No matter how big they are they have feelings too.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Everyone has feelings, even men and it doesn't matter how big or strong they are. Whenever I or he have been really angry about something which is very rare, we walk away from it until we cool down and then we can talk to each other rationally about the problem. In the words of Cher "Words are like weapons, they wound sometimes"
debmitchell
debmitchell
I think, the stronger and tougher they are, the harder it is to show their hurt. So they bottle it up, and it eats away at them until they can't take it anymore. Men need us to support them and watch out for their emotional well-being as much as we need the same thing from them.
koolman
koolman
They say "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me", oh, but they do! In any case, consider his emotional state at a given moment. Maybe "making him mad" works sometimes; motivates him. Other times, when he's feeling a bit more frayed and fragile, it hurts. But you shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around your man either. Go ahead and say what's on your mind, knowing that you WILL hurt him sometimes, as he will you. Just apologize immediately after he says you've hurt him and try to back-peddle.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thanks for the replys. When I said what I said I wasn't trying to hurt him just had alot to get off my chest. We both sat& talked about it. We hardly ever argue& that was rough on us both. But made up big time later. Lol
deleted_user
deleted_user
I believe we choose partners because they are the best suited to help us reconcile the wounds of our past. Until we realize this and come to grips with it in the context of our relatioship, we will do continue to do battle, eventually leave one another and then find the next person with whom we begin all over again. Once we own our wounds, recognize that we are both wounded, and then come to grips with how to support or "minister" to those wounds in one another, we may find that our relationship is a place of refuge.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Some of us guys are good acters. But, truth is we beat up on ourselves. Those of us from dysfunctional families judge ourselves without mercy. If someone we feel we should be able to trust for support, instead is critical, justified or not, it is much like the straw which breaks the Camels back.

I heard someone say on TV that if you want a relationship to last treat every interaction as if you were on a first date. I 'm not sure I buy that 100% but it is something to think about. --Maybe that we should be more honest on first dates...lol.--
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