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I need an opinion about an argument that me and my boyfriend have been having lately.
My boyfriend was with his ex for a really long time. While they were together, she wanted to buy a car but didn't have any credit, so she bought the car in his name. They have been broken up for over two years and she is still paying off the car (I think she has like two payments left). My boyfriend was honest with me about this in the beginning of our relationship- he said that each month they meet somewhere, she hands him a check so that he can make the car payment and that's all. He said that they aren't friends and they don't talk or have a relationship outside of that.
From the beginning, I haven't had a problem with the arrangement. I even told him that I have no problem if they are friends or whatever- I just asked that I be kept out of whatever relationship they had, and that he not do anything he wouldn't be comfortable with me doing. I have a past of being with a guy whose ex stalked me and as a result don't feel comfortable with boyfriends sharing information about me with their ex's. I asked im not to tell her that he had a girlfriend or anything about me- and when I got pregnant, obviously that he not tell her anything about our daughter.
Apparently the last time she gave him a check, they met at taco time and ended up eating lunch together. As they were done eating and getting ready to leave, my boyfriend's sister and her friend from work came in and saw them. Her friend knew that Nate's girlfriend was having a baby and has never met me, so assumed that Nate's ex was me and told her good luck with the baby- so the cat was out of the bag. Of course Nate's ex asked him if it was correct that he was having a baby- he said he was and that it was a girl. He told his ex our daughter's due date. In addition, he told his ex that he and I are living together (that was the only information he gave her about me, so she doesn't have my name or anything but knows that he and I are living together in Everett). I feel like he didn't respect me at all or my wishes about not sharing information about me or our baby with her. He said that the cat was already out of the bag- I feel like the only thing that she knew from his sister's friend was that there was a girlfriend and a baby. He gave her other information and I'm unhappy with him about it.
What's more, she apparently sent him a message earlier this month saying that she was planning on getting him a christmas present. My boyfriend told her that she should just get something for the baby. He told me this not too long ago and it's been causing a fight ever since. I have no problem with him getting a gift from her- I mean what's he supposed to do? Not accept it? But I don't want our little girl wearing clothes or playing with toys that some psycho he used to date gave him (his sister said that his ex is absolutely crazy). What's more, he has even admitted that if any of my ex's gave me anything, he wouldn't even want it in his house, much less anywhere near his little girl. I feel like he is being a huge hypocrite. Why is he allowed to accept gifts from his ex's and I'm not- and what's more put our baby in them? He thinks I'm over reacting and that a gift is a gift. He even threatened to sneak it into the house and just put it in with our other baby stuff and that I wouldn't even know the difference.
I need an opinion here. What does everyone else think of this situation? Is he right or am I?
My boyfriend was with his ex for a really long time. While they were together, she wanted to buy a car but didn't have any credit, so she bought the car in his name. They have been broken up for over two years and she is still paying off the car (I think she has like two payments left). My boyfriend was honest with me about this in the beginning of our relationship- he said that each month they meet somewhere, she hands him a check so that he can make the car payment and that's all. He said that they aren't friends and they don't talk or have a relationship outside of that.
From the beginning, I haven't had a problem with the arrangement. I even told him that I have no problem if they are friends or whatever- I just asked that I be kept out of whatever relationship they had, and that he not do anything he wouldn't be comfortable with me doing. I have a past of being with a guy whose ex stalked me and as a result don't feel comfortable with boyfriends sharing information about me with their ex's. I asked im not to tell her that he had a girlfriend or anything about me- and when I got pregnant, obviously that he not tell her anything about our daughter.
Apparently the last time she gave him a check, they met at taco time and ended up eating lunch together. As they were done eating and getting ready to leave, my boyfriend's sister and her friend from work came in and saw them. Her friend knew that Nate's girlfriend was having a baby and has never met me, so assumed that Nate's ex was me and told her good luck with the baby- so the cat was out of the bag. Of course Nate's ex asked him if it was correct that he was having a baby- he said he was and that it was a girl. He told his ex our daughter's due date. In addition, he told his ex that he and I are living together (that was the only information he gave her about me, so she doesn't have my name or anything but knows that he and I are living together in Everett). I feel like he didn't respect me at all or my wishes about not sharing information about me or our baby with her. He said that the cat was already out of the bag- I feel like the only thing that she knew from his sister's friend was that there was a girlfriend and a baby. He gave her other information and I'm unhappy with him about it.
What's more, she apparently sent him a message earlier this month saying that she was planning on getting him a christmas present. My boyfriend told her that she should just get something for the baby. He told me this not too long ago and it's been causing a fight ever since. I have no problem with him getting a gift from her- I mean what's he supposed to do? Not accept it? But I don't want our little girl wearing clothes or playing with toys that some psycho he used to date gave him (his sister said that his ex is absolutely crazy). What's more, he has even admitted that if any of my ex's gave me anything, he wouldn't even want it in his house, much less anywhere near his little girl. I feel like he is being a huge hypocrite. Why is he allowed to accept gifts from his ex's and I'm not- and what's more put our baby in them? He thinks I'm over reacting and that a gift is a gift. He even threatened to sneak it into the house and just put it in with our other baby stuff and that I wouldn't even know the difference.
I need an opinion here. What does everyone else think of this situation? Is he right or am I?
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My Behavioral Health Coach recommended I reach out for the place I'm stuck in, but unsure I see a support group describing this. Any thoughts?
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I broke up with my ex and immediately regretted it. Tried to get back with him last week (just days after breaking up) and he said he can only be friends. Should I consider being friends with him? I feel like he could be trying to hurt me a bit since I ended things. I'm just so confused...and I love him
I don't blame him for telling her about you and the baby. Imagine how weird you would have come off if she asked him about you and he said that you told him he wasn't allowed to say anything. If they were together for a while she is probably just interested in his life now. He also probably just wanted things to go smoothly so he could get the last couple of payments and say goodbye forever.
I agree with Stella. It's OK.
Also, lets just pretend that she is a psycho. Would it make sense to hide things from her, reject her presents, etc.? I think this would only make her resentful and suspicious.It is not good, epecially since your boyfriend's name is involve in a financial situation. she is probably already sad because He is having a baby with you and thier relationship never got to that point.
Let her pay off the car, like Stella said, and it will be over.
Good luck!
During the conversation (go with him to pay the car) just let her know that you appreciate the gift for your baby. "Then just simply state Im sorry for any awkwardness Ive had some bad experience with a stalker chick and have been sensitive. But from what I can tell your not the type."
The funny thing about this is :
1) if she is not the type all what is need to be said is said
2) if she is she will have to change and not show that she is a stalker ie not be one because you already called her out of her "disguise"
I don't think that in the sense of me wanting to remain some anonymous girlfriend to her meeting her is the best of ideas. The only thing she knows about me at this point is that I am pregnant with a baby and when I'm due- and that I'm living with Nate somewhere in a city. It's hard to stalk someone with that information alone. If I were to meet her, she would see my car and then know my license plate numbers (that's what the stalker girl in the past did to hunt me down), what I looked like, along with probably more identifiable information. If I were to meet her then I would probably have to at least tell her my first name if nothing else. To me, that's scary. For me, her knowing anything about me at all really scares me to begin with. I slept with a knife under my bed for three days after finding out that she knew about me because I was afraid of what happened before happening again. For my birthday, I want Nate to install a high grade alarm system.