You're in a bad situation. I'm sure your head is telling you one thing while your heart is saying something else. Please ask yourself why has your grandchild's father been a stranger to her? Was it his choice not to be in his daughter's life? What kind of a man is he? What is his new wife and daughter like? These are questions you have to ask yourself before you make a wise decision. I know how frustrating it can be when your grandchild doesn't behave. I'm sure your grandchild is going through a lot of turmoil she doesn't even understand. Sweetie, think long and hard before you send her back to her father. You don't ever want to make a decision you might regret in the future. If you need me, please write. I'm here for you always.

Take your time to think things threw before letting your granddaughter go with her father. Ask yourself the questions tessa has sugested and listen to wise grandmother voice inside of you. It will tell you the right thing to do. I wish you luck with this very difficult decision you are faced with. If you to talk or to just vent feel free to write anytime.

Is your grand daughter seeing a therpist?
Has your son and his wife spent time with her lately?
Does she know what might be taking place?
At a sweet time as her what is going on in her head. ASk her why she is acting out so much. Is this normal for her or something getting worse then the norm?
I know how frustrating it can get.That over whelming feeling, like why am I putting myself through this...I want MY life back...etc...........
Maybe she is just needing some attion...... extra.
Get her to open up, that may be the only answer you need.

You got some good advice from the others. I don't have much to add other than that I can definitely understand where you're coming from. My husband & I both get frustrated with our 3 yr old grandson, and suspect that he's a bit slow, probably will have some learning disabilities. We're having him evaluated soon. But he has many issues, my son is becoming very frustrated with him & starting to act out, and he still has not adapted to living with us after almost a year now. He still cries & asks for mommy alot.

There have been many times when we've asked ourselves if he'd really be any worse off living with his mother now, especially now that #1, she's supposedly off the drugs, and #2, she knows she's being held accountable for him. But, it's our frustration talking, we KNOW he's better off here right now, we know we can't trust his mom yet. We just get so frustrated & tired & worn out. It feels like you never get a break, especially if the parents don't have visitation set up, or they're not allowed unsupervised visitation.

It hit me recently, when I was really struggling with him & felt like I was on the verge of a meltdown, THIS is why foster parents are given a "vacation" every year. I think that's the case, fosters are set up so that the parents can have some alone time at least once a year. We don't have that luxury, so it just builds up. When they're going through a difficult stage, it's just that much worse.

Anyways, that wasn't real helpful for you, I'm sure. I'd do like the others suggested, think about it, maybe increase visitation & have some family counselling perhaps. Good luck, I know it's not easy!!