I could be wrong about this, but 20 months old is still very young. He may not consider his mother his mommy. That spot is probably yours. What does he call you? You've had him for 4 months now, and that's a long time for a baby. You're probably his main person & his mother is just some woman he visited with yesterday. I shouldn't say just 'some woman', because I'm sure he remembers her. It's just that he doesn't see her anymore & you're the one who cares for him & loves him now & he knows that.

That's just my opinion & it's entirely possible I'm way off base. Wouldn't be the first time. :)

I could also be wrong but my experience when I got my grandaughter she was 10 months old. Her mother left state so. when she did finally see her again two years later the mom was more of a grandma and the grandmother is the mother. I have taught her {she's now 4} who mom is thru pictures and really never encouraged her to call me mom.

That didn't come out right.Sorry. In my experience the roles are reversed and even though she may be called mom, you are like all of us the ture loving caring mother of this child.Don't worry as he grows you will be able to explain things to him, if needed. My grandaughter has recently said[after comming back to live with us} that we are her parents cause we are her grandPARENTS and our house is home we keep her safe and she loves us see what you have yo look forward to ...No Worries!

Believe me, your baby will adapt to whomever is giving him the love and care he needs. Mine is 30 months, and one day I came home from work and she called me Mommy. I said no, I am Ma Ma. She said no, you're Mommy. And this went on for a few minutes. She was just expressing that she loves me like Mommy. She knows who mommy is, yet when mommy calls it is very hard to get her to speak to her. She wants to see her, not hear her voice on the phone. Wow, now I am rambling. I think it is just fine that he does not ask for his Mommy. As he grows older, he will understand. Keep your chin up!

He is still young...he may not understand all about who mommy & daddy is...however the one thing they do understand is who is with them every day...caring for them...feeding them...and tucking them into bed at night....young children adapt very easily...but it gets difficult when a child is removed at a later age...but when they are babies they adapt well under the circumstances... I have been raising my grand daughter since she was only 2 weeks old...she is now 16 months...she knows who mommy is (my daughter) and sees her all the time....yet she calls us both mommy...I don't refer myself as mommy...but that's how she sees me..so we just go with whatever she wants to call us...she calls my husband daddy because she doesn't have much contact with her father...but she is also I think mimicking my 17 yr old daughter who lives at home with us...she calls me mom..and sometimes my grand daughter will point to me and say "mom"...this situation is the only one she has been in so for her it's perfectly jormal...although I expect questions when she starts school...that's when she will realize her situation is "different" but that's ok...as long as she has a good relationship with her mommy she will adjust just fine...I am not worried about feelings of abandonment because she's involved with everyone around her who loves her....now the father...that's another issue all together...I'll deal with that when the time comes.

Ri did the very same thing. But even before she came to love with us...if she got hurt or sick she never ask or cried for mommy. I thought all children did that and have always found it sooooo strange.
I have been told that they never bounded.
I have noticed the last mnay times Ri has came back from her visit they say or she says I havd a temp. It is alomost like they are telling her she is sick all the time.
I have even wondered if she is saying she is sick or does not feel well in order to get there attention.
Just remember he doesn't see mommy as mommy...he see's you as mommmy.

I have wonder to about Ri has made some comment like some are saying, I don't want her to call me mom or mommy. But I have wondered about some thing like Memom instead of mema.

Thanks ladies for your many words of wisdom. I just found it odd that he never ask for his mommy. I have also been told her had never bonded with his mother. Funny that MeMom was mentioned because I have considered teaching the grandbabies that instead of Memaw..I guess great minds do think alike :-)

This is just to add some humor to your question. I got custody of my two greatgrandsons when they were 18 months old. They had been in foster care the entire 18 months with occasional visits with their parents (my granddaughter is their mother). Anyway - all the caseworkers have told me to always be very honest with the boys - so I have been showing them a picture of their mother (her senior pic) every day and telling them "this is mommy". I thought that they understood because everytime I showed them the picture they would say "mommy". Today I showed them a picture of my grandson in Iraq and they said 'mommy'. So 'mommy' to them means picture. I tried it with several other pictures and got the same response. I had to laugh. Here I thought I was instilling a idea of their mother and all I was doing was teaching them the word for picture is 'mommy'. So much for child psychology.

Maggi,
That is so funny. We never really know what is going through their little minds.

Thanks for sharing your little funny....I also would love to know little ones thoughts...I bet we could change the world!!

My grandson will be 7 in February and he seldom ever ask about his mommy. As a parent, that saddens me. I grew up without a mother and it was hard. I just pray everyday that this little guy grows up to be a wonderful young man.

My 3year old grandaughter never asks for or cries for her mother. Mom comes and visits occasionally. About twice a week. They play a little and she leave. This is the only life she knows. She had adapeted to this routine

With children so young I am not sure that they identify the occasional visit with mommy or daddy. We have a speech therapist that comes to the house twice a week for an hour and the boys get all excited when she knocks on the door but they are never upset when she leaves. Oh, I take that back - just a couple of weeks ago they were not through with their play and when she started putting the toys away they both threw a fit. I am just not sure how much they can become attatched to a parent that they only see occastionally. You are there everyday - wiping their nose, meeting their every need, giving hugs - the parent is almost like a visitor. This only applies to the ones under 2 I would think. Everyday is a guessing game for all of us - we are never going to be sure what the right thing is until they become adults and tell us. Sad but true.

Hi

I wish I could give you some feedback but I'm brand new at this and my goal is that his mother (my youngest daughter) and partner still be involved in little J's life.

It sounds like your 20 month old grandson had bonded to you. Children will bond to anyone who is the primary caregiver and gives them the love and attention they need.