You need to explain to her that she needs to be more involved in the child's life before she can take him, the stress on the child can cause alot of problems down the road, like PTSD.

I would not let him go. He doesn't feel secure with her and if she truly wanted to be a part of his life she would be trying to see him often.
I to am having a problem with Ri's mom wanting her Thanksgiving, which we already have plans, so she is asking for the day before. Ri cried last night when it was time to go for the weekend, so how do I send her for an extra day,knowing she doesn't even want to go for her normal weekend. She is 7, so I tried to explain that this is something I have to do is send her. She ask why her brother just couldn't come to our house and then said if you go back to court can you please tell the judge I don't want to go to their house, at least not to spend the night.
So please if you have nothing on paper don't send him, I don't have a choice, you do. Protect him at all cost.

I agree with Jade5's response. Don't let him go. You gave her the courtesy to come into your home and visit. If she really wanted to have him for a few hours on Thanksgiving by now she would have set a time with you at your home for the visit. I seem to run into this problem when my daughter wants to "show off" my grandaughter to family or an event. . . Then when she is finishted playing with her she puts her away like a "doll". (ME). Then I get to spent the next several days with the baby acting out. Just plan unmanagable. I struggle to do the right thing. I just have to remember the courts gave me the right to keep and protect this child as my own.

yes that is all it seems to be with these people....something to show off. And like you said put it away. The we are left with this child that we can not do anything with. I was asking myself for awhile...why AM I doing this? When her mom first started getting visation it made our life hell. SHe would come home woth all the CRAP they put in her head and act out. I really think for awhile she was confused to whom to beleive. I started just coming down on her the first day. ANd what I mean by comng down on her...is when she would go straight into a rage, I would send her to her room to throw her fit and she could'nt come out until she was done. IT took around 30 minutes and she was done ,she would come out and say I am sorry and from that point on things would go fine. I thought now why have I been putting up with this for days after a visit? Anyway once I put my foot down it has been better.
I wish I felt like that was my right as her guardian to keep and protect as my own. But I don't. I would never allow one of my children to go to a house with windows broke out and nasty dirty old carpets and the smoking and drinking that goes on. It makes me so sick to have to send her there. ANd I worry about her the whole time she is gone.
If that grand mother wants to see him she needs to estabish a relationship with him first. I know to them it sounds like we are being mean and controling,but H....E...L...L....O!

Hi make, I also would not let the child go. I keep the focus on the child always as it sounds like you are. This is not about HER, but about the comfort of the child. Family members are just like strangers to a child if they do not stay involved. Being a grandparent or parent is not something we are, it is something we DO:)
I think you are right:)
EllaBlue

Ladies~Thank you for your responses..The grandmother called on Saturday to set up a time, she called at 11:30 and wanted to come to the house at 2. I explained to her that it wasnt a good time for me and she asked if I would meet her at McDonalds so she could visit with him. I asked what kind of quality time did she think she would have with him at McDonalds?? She said well how about Monday at your home. I told her that would be fine. So she is suppose to come to the house tomorrow around 6. So we will see if she even shows, she has a habit of setting times and cancelling the visitation. (She has cancelled 15 times since Aug). I dont think I am going to let him go, like all you have said, it is my job as his guardian to protect him and protect him I will do..Again thank you for all of your words of wisdom..I will let you know how it goes on Monday.

Does she live far away? Does she really think coming to see him a few days before is geting to know him where is comferable with her????????
I would tell her "IF" she will do this several more times that maybe by Christmas he will be ready to go some place with her. SHe needs to bond with him. At Mc Donalds???? ANd evn at your home, notice if she just sits and wacthes him play while she chats with you over coffee etc.... SHe needs to read him books, sit down on the floor and play with him etc....
By bring her self down to his level he will see...she likes me and wants to actually spend time with me. But I wouldn't tell her to do that stuff, becasue if she doesn't know it at her age then she doesn't deserve to spend time a lone with him.
Is it her daughter or son that is his mom or dad?

The sad thing is she lives only 5 minutes from me. I seriously do not know what this woman is thinking, but like you said spending a few hours with him is NOT getting to know him. I have a lot of mixed emotions about even letting her near him. She hasnt cared about his well being since Aug (only spending 14 hours with him & not calling to see how he is, didnt care enough to appear at his guardianship hearing, and has made excuse after excuse for the lack of her actions. She even attacked me (verbally) when the papers were served stating I was seeking guardianship. I just dont see any good from allowing him to spend time with her at this time. She is the mother of the mother, I am the mother of the son.
Thanks for your words of wisdom!

I had a problem like this when I had custody of my grandson. His other granny just lived down the street from me. She did want to have him a few times for a few hours. She works nights and sleeps most days. I let him go most of the time. But a lot of time, she would call and I would have to pick him up. He told her that he wanted to come home. She only sees him about once a year now. She's never been a real grandparent to him. So I wouldn't let her take this child. Children need to feel secure and be in familiar surroundings during this difficult time in their lives. So put the child first always.

(UPDATE) Well..G-ma came for her visit. She stayed under an hour. My grandson was really stand offish at first but after about 30 minutes he began to warm up to her a little. He stayed really clost to me and spent most of the time in my lap. She said she would like to come again on Wed. We will see if she shows..Even though he seemed fine with her, I feel it was only because he was at his home (safe place) and I was there with him. I will keep you all posted.

I think the fact that he spent most of his time sitting on your lap is very telling. I know I'm late on this, and I'd like to hear how Thanksgiving went. His staying on your lap though shows that he wasn't comfortable with her & needed your security.

When I first took my grandson to see a child psychologist, he bumped his head while playing in her office & immediately ran to me & climbed up on my lap crying. As soon as I hugged him & said he was fine, he jumped off & went back to playing. She said that was a very good sign, because he already turns to me for comfort & security. Before, he would've just sat on the floor & cried by himself. Children's actions are often very telling. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here though. Ya'll probably have more experience & expertise in this matter than I do. :)

(UPDATE)~Well needless to say the Gmother cancelled her visit for Wednesday,said she was sick. I explained to her that I did not think my grandson was ready for her to take him, and to my shock she agreed. She stated that she had not spent enough time with him. I thanked her for having his best interest in mind and offered for her to see him at my home anytime. Since that conversation my son (the father) and her daughter (the mother) has exchanged some not so nice words and a threat was made...the mother stated the father would be sorry because when she got her hands on my grandson she was leaving state with him and he would never be seen again. Which caused alarms to explode in my mind; NO ONE will be taking my grandson anywhere! If the mother or her family wish to see him it will be in my home under my supervison. I believe the mother was just spatting off at that the mouth, as usual, but I take threats extremely serious. I dont trust her and she is extremely unstable. Looks like I will have to become not only a caring grandmother but also a watch dog..once again thank you ladies for all of your words of wisdom.

Children need consistancy in their lives....the woman is practically a stranger to him...if she truly cared for this child she would make everyn effert to be in his life full time...part time doesn't cut it....it's basically like this...either piss or get off the pot..actions speak louder than words....and her actions aren't saying much....if she doesn't bother to spend time with him to get to know him in your home...then I would not allow her to take him anywhere. That to me is a deal breaker...the little boy could end up with some serious issues...I would tell her you either want to be in his life or you don't....seeing him an hour here and there is not going to cut it....just make matters worse....good luck on what you decide to do.

upmost all we are here to do whats best for the children, ask him what he would like to do, why dont you go with him , and make him feel at ease,all i know is the more people that love the children the better with all our feelings aside. I was angry at my daugher at first, then i let go of what i was feeling, and decided to do whats best for them,its not about us,its how they feel.thats only my opinion. hardcore

I think hardcore is right. When DFCS was involved with us, we had a wonderful, sweet social worker. She was trying to work with my stepdaughter, get her into several programs. She told me one day when we were sitting in my living room chatting, she said I had to remember that our first obligation is always to those sweet children. We can no longer put our children first, we have to put our grandchildren first & keep them safe, protected & loved. They need the security that they get from us. That was a bit hard for me, because I truly love my stepdaughter & I hate telling her no, I want her to be happy & successful...but sometimes she wants that little boy in situations I don't approve of, and I have to stand firm & tell her no.
I think these situations are SO much harder simply because these babies we love & care for are from our children, and our children have let their babies down & it's hard to deal with. I've trying to deal with that & not be angry or resentful towards my daughter & most of my family is good now. My mother though hates my s/d I think. She thinks she should have no rights, and she shouldn't be allowed with the kids at all. My FIL loves the babies, but not as much as the other babies in the family, I think. It's not about the babies though, he always felt that my husband's first wife, and her 2 daughters, ruined things for his son. He has a lot of anger towards my daughter & her mother, so he isn't quite as close to the babies. I believe when we adopt the baby girl though, things will improve. I think.
Things have improved though. We told our daughter we loved her no matter what she did; we didn't like her actions, but we loved her & always would. I think hearing that from both of us really was a turning point in our relationship. She had been afraid to tell us she was pg the 2nd time, b/c she didn't want to disappoint daddy, etc. Now she's honest & open, I think, and that helps everything. When she left the house last night, I told her I loved her, and as she walked out the door she said "I love you too Shelli", and the tone in her voice when she said it was different than any other time. Usually it's just a casual, yeah love ya too. Never used my name, and most times didn't quite sound sincere. Things are improving for her, I hope.