Grandparents Raising Children Support Group

This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.

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Spanking

deleted_user
deleted_user
How do you all feel about spanking? A short history. I have three children in their 40's that I spanked because that is just what we did back then. I have a 25yr old daughter that I raised by myself that I never spanked and she is a good, responsible, hardworking adult. (So are the other three.) Now I have twin two year old boys that I swore I would never spank but that lasted about two weeks. I have tried the time out chair - total chaos. The one in the chair is screaming and the one that isn't being punished is screaming because his brother is screaming. I have tried sending them to their room with a stern talking to but as soon as I leave the room they just follow me out crying. The first time I spanked I was change one when the other one walked in with a steak knife he had gotten out of the dishwasher. I thought the veins in my neck were going to pop I screamed so hard. The little devil just laughed and started running with the steak knife. I lost it and swatted him on the butt as soon as I could let go of the other one. Now it seems that I am daily swatting a butt or flicking a hand. I really don't want to punish - - I want to train. But with two of them going in two different directions I just seem to be smacking diapers more than I want. HELP!!!!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I believe there is a place for spanking, however it should not be a reaction to your frustration. I know what a two year old is like. My Sarah is 2 1/2 and into everything all of the time. While you are cleaning up one mess, she is busy making another. And you with twins OMG! What I have found helpful is to take away the things she likes. I turn off the TV, or take away her favorite book. Standing her in the corner helps. Spanking works along with other discipline, but too much spanking will only make them used to it.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I also believe in spanking but only resort to it when all else has failed. I have found that using a stern, serious voice often works, time out sometimes will do the job, but when all else fails I see nothing wrong with a swat across the rear end, followed with an explaination and always the reasurance that I still love him.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Thank you so much for your postings. I really don't wan't the boys to fear me. But being from the old school, I want them to respect me. I wish that I could say that I don't lose my temper but reality does sink in. When I am dealing with one in an obectively way the other one is doing something that is totally off the wall. My question is - - how do I temper myself to deal with the one -- while the other one is being totally the radar. I would not ever (after raising four kids) believe that I would have this problrm.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I too believe in spanking when nothing else works. Kids have to know their limits and for bad behavior there is a fitting punishment. I know that alot of parents are afraid to spank their kids, and you end up with uncontrolable kids, as with my step-daughter. When her kids are with me, they know I spank, and they mind much better. For anyone who fears H&W when it comes to spanking, I was told by them that as long as it is on the bottom and the only thing used is your hand, and you dont leave marks, you are fine.
good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
One thing to notice is the spanking really helping?
I very rarely have spanked Ri. When she was younger every once in a while a swat on the hand. Like the second time I had to swat her on the hand for messing with something I had just told her to leave alone she was like 2 at the time. Anyway she looked at me and said so proudly.."THAT WASN"T THE HAND I DID IT WITH!" I said oh let me see the hand you did it with and she put it out there and I quickly swatted it. The look on her face was priceless! I walked away and shut the bathroom door and had a good laugh. Anyway, if you swat to much it isn't going to be a big deal from one time to another. Save the swats for the big things. Ri gets maybe one swat a year. I mainly have always used that as a last thing because of the beating her mom gave her. I have never hurt her doing it, I use my hand and hit her bottom, one swat it's done.
Maybe try while the one is in time out crying tell the other what a bad boy he's been and how proud you are of him being a good boy.
I can't even.........wow twins, you are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo brave!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Jade you gave me a good laugh about Ri saying that wasn't the hand she did it with. That was so cute. I have been pretty lucky when it comes to discipline because I can change my voice to make my grandson listen. He hates the stern voice I use when he's not behaving. Actually, I am really blessed because he has always been so well behaved. To bad his mother wasn't the same way.
deleted_user
deleted_user
yes I use that voice pretty often and then the other voice that I can go to. ALL Listen when it comes to that one.
Sunday evening we had went out for dinner. I don't eat much at one setting so I brought it home. Ri was laying at the end of sofa and I had heated my left overs up about 10 minutes before that and she kept wanting this and wanting that and it was cold again. BUt thought I would eat it anyway. I told her to hush and be still it was time for her to go to sleep. I sat down one more time with my food on my lap as she ask what time is it and before I could even open my mouth to say what time it was she kicked her foot and yeap ya got it my food and dip went flying in the air, After that she didn't even move. MY voice had went to THAT voice!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I have spanked my three daughters. My last two I rarely spanked. As I've gotten older I just don't believe spanking is a good thing. I think it teaches children to resort to violence. I don't have an answer because I'm just starting this whole process again, but my gut instincts tell me that spanking is not good because it can escalate into more spanking and also screaming.
Wilson
Wilson
I very much believe in spanking. If you go back to the manual (the Bible) it tells you plainly to spank. I have three wonderful grown kids that thanks me for spanking them and raising them right just like I thank my parents. I have a step-daughter that never got spanked and is a selfish, mean spirited brat that can't get along with anyone. So, I know spanking works. There is a difference in spanking and beating a kid though.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I really want to thank you all for you input. I have started getting down on one knee and grabbing the offending child's shoulder while I explain what he did wrong. They really don't like this but it seems to be affective. I still spank but only when it is a grave offense. I also use the stern voice but that only works when they are in a listening mood. My youngest daughter (25 yrs old) has started taking one of the boys every other week so that each boy can have special one-on-one attention and I notice that I never have to spank the one I have. Only when they are both together does it get out of hand. It is like they talk to each other about how much trouble they can get into. LOL They really are good boys and easy to handle by themselves. But two two-year-olds is more than I bargined for. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I work with people with disabilities and in crisis management the first thing is to stop and think how we are feeling I use the stop and think with my 3yr old gd and although it has taken time she now goes think when I stay stop I have smacked her when I was totally overwhelmed and I used to think that the technique we are taught was stupid it does work for me at work and home Sometimes the big reaction is what they are looking for and when we lose it they get that reward of adrenaline rush which takes around 90 minutes to come down from and can go back up there anytime it can be a cycle that is hard to break to get back down to baseline I always have to remember that life is a process and not an event and that this too will pass Are you taking anytime out for yourself hard I know with twins but necessary for sanity I have had my gd for a year now and only now I realise how overwhelming it has been at times so am making the choice to eat well and look after me
deleted_user
deleted_user
debtwba - thanks so much for your input. I am finding that getting on one knee and explaining what the problem is has helped. It takes longer to sink in put it is worth the extra effort. My biggest concern was when the boys started hitting each other. I didn't know if this is normal action for two year olds or because I was spanking them. Don't ever want to take the chance that I am teaching them that hitting is o.k. - The spanking has stopped except for the occassional melt down. I am starting to take better care of myself and it has really made a difference in our daily lives. We all need to remember that.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Maggi,

I'm so glad to read that you are taking better of yourself. I think that is the key to surviving raising our grandchildren.
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