Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
Things keep getting worse them better.
After 10 months of yearning to see my grandson, we flew up tp my son's house who had a week visatation. From the start his new wife would not accept his son, our beautiful grandson who is only 4. She had no empathy that he was just uprooted from everyone he knows.
He was taken out of sate by his mother, my son never bonded with him, so as soon as he saw me he was at my side the whole time.My son asked us to leave his house( we had a hotel) he is now saying he never wants to let us see our grandson and is not going to use his visataion that was granted to him. He is almost 24 years old and has no family loyalty.
My husband and I spent the week with the child, but we never saw our son again, until we had to leave. He refuses to let us come up for his next visit, actually he isn't going to even take him for more then a week (he has 2 months worth of visiation in the summer)
We have had to hire a lawyer to sue our son! The Grandparents rights in the state the child lives is are very limited.
I bonded with this child. I cared for him in my home for 3 1/2 years, I know you all have heard it before, if you haven't, you can read my journal...long story.
I am heartbroken that after so much love, time, caring, money my son has turned his back on us, and his own child for a woman he has known less then a year!
My days are full of dread and heartache.
My daughter who is 21, is leaving in 10 days for Germany for 3 years (her husband is in the airforce)
I send gifts and letters to my ex-daughter in law for my grandson with no reply, ( actaully once she wrote and told me to stop sending "garbage" and send Money!)
I am in shatters, coping with empty nest one at time is hard enough, but we are losing everyone all at once.
We recently moved to Calif. for my husbands job. I have only one friend and she has a very nice sheltered life.. I know nothing is perfect but I am drowning in tears. I can't rely on her at all, she has a full life.
I had to give up so much to move here, it is so expensive, my dogs of 7 years, my cat, my gardening. my job, basically my comfor zone. I have nothing just sadness.
I love my kids, my extended family are rough, and it has been years since I have seen any of them.
I am trying counsling, trying to cope. I have tried several theapists, one actually told me "Well, they are not dead you know!"
I tried to keep busy, I joined a church, but lately, the past few weeks I find no comfort in church and have no will do go out.
NO joy in my life.
I love my husband, but our sadness is coming between us, and I fear we will not make it. We both feel guilty about past choices and mistakes.
It is a very hard time, people say "this too shall pass" but I have no hope.
To sue your own child, just to see your own grandson. There is nothing but love we have given, no grounds for keeping the child out of our arms.It is emotiaonal balckmail.
When mom left, I took over with all care, tried to get my son on track, back to college, but he chose drugs and his friends over his son.
I should have filed for grandparents rights then, I have waited too long.
Sorry, maybe this should have been put in my journal.
I really have nothing to hold on to. People say get out, volunteer, get a hobby...I feel so depressed and beat.
Thank you for listening ~
Posted on 03/29/08, 12:03 pm
After 10 months of yearning to see my grandson, we flew up tp my son's house who had a week visatation. From the start his new wife would not accept his son, our beautiful grandson who is only 4. She had no empathy that he was just uprooted from everyone he knows.
He was taken out of sate by his mother, my son never bonded with him, so as soon as he saw me he was at my side the whole time.My son asked us to leave his house( we had a hotel) he is now saying he never wants to let us see our grandson and is not going to use his visataion that was granted to him. He is almost 24 years old and has no family loyalty.
My husband and I spent the week with the child, but we never saw our son again, until we had to leave. He refuses to let us come up for his next visit, actually he isn't going to even take him for more then a week (he has 2 months worth of visiation in the summer)
We have had to hire a lawyer to sue our son! The Grandparents rights in the state the child lives is are very limited.
I bonded with this child. I cared for him in my home for 3 1/2 years, I know you all have heard it before, if you haven't, you can read my journal...long story.
I am heartbroken that after so much love, time, caring, money my son has turned his back on us, and his own child for a woman he has known less then a year!
My days are full of dread and heartache.
My daughter who is 21, is leaving in 10 days for Germany for 3 years (her husband is in the airforce)
I send gifts and letters to my ex-daughter in law for my grandson with no reply, ( actaully once she wrote and told me to stop sending "garbage" and send Money!)
I am in shatters, coping with empty nest one at time is hard enough, but we are losing everyone all at once.
We recently moved to Calif. for my husbands job. I have only one friend and she has a very nice sheltered life.. I know nothing is perfect but I am drowning in tears. I can't rely on her at all, she has a full life.
I had to give up so much to move here, it is so expensive, my dogs of 7 years, my cat, my gardening. my job, basically my comfor zone. I have nothing just sadness.
I love my kids, my extended family are rough, and it has been years since I have seen any of them.
I am trying counsling, trying to cope. I have tried several theapists, one actually told me "Well, they are not dead you know!"
I tried to keep busy, I joined a church, but lately, the past few weeks I find no comfort in church and have no will do go out.
NO joy in my life.
I love my husband, but our sadness is coming between us, and I fear we will not make it. We both feel guilty about past choices and mistakes.
It is a very hard time, people say "this too shall pass" but I have no hope.
To sue your own child, just to see your own grandson. There is nothing but love we have given, no grounds for keeping the child out of our arms.It is emotiaonal balckmail.
When mom left, I took over with all care, tried to get my son on track, back to college, but he chose drugs and his friends over his son.
I should have filed for grandparents rights then, I have waited too long.
Sorry, maybe this should have been put in my journal.
I really have nothing to hold on to. People say get out, volunteer, get a hobby...I feel so depressed and beat.
Thank you for listening ~
Posted on 03/29/08, 12:03 pm
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Did yu and your x daughter in law get a long oksy during the visit? If so speak with her and see if you two can come up with a sultion. If you don't think you two can then go for it. Even if the state she lives in is limited as far as grand parents rights, maybe the judge will lok at your case a little differnt becasue you did raise him for 3 and half years. PLus your son being the way he is right now.
Your son is probably very anry at his new wife and is taking it out on you. If that is the case he will blow on her before long and it'll destroy there relationship. He probably had high hopes and was really let down by her behavior and then the little guy holding onto you.
When it comes to the drug past of these people they just don't get it when the child doesn't have/want anything to do with them. That they are going to have to work at it.
Even thou Ri's mom get visits every other week, Ri could care less about her. After 2 weeks Ri walks past her and just gets into her car, when they bring her back she gets out of there car and quickly walks to our car, most times not even saying by. But mom doesn't put forth an effort to have a relationship with her,which Ri doesn;'t seem to care.
It breaks my heart that her an dher mom never bonded and to know they probably never will now.
But you maybe just give your son another week or so and try to talk to him by himself.
I think you said he has another child with this wife, so she probably is afraid the older child will end up being put before her's.
You are in my thoughts, keep us posted
Many of us understand like no others can when our children betray their own children and their own parents, I know I do.
Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
The grandbaby is the issue now. You both agree on that. Don't blame you for feeling like not doing anything...understand fully, but don't give up. Go to Grandfamilies.com, AARP for Grandparents Raising Grandchildren, Generations United and you will get additional links through them. If you are paying a lawyer, make sure they know what they are doing. Ask them if they are aware that over 6 million children are being raised by their grandchildren. It took us three lawyers before we found an agressive one who understood the situation. If you raised him for over 3 years, you should have standing in court, especially is son is not using visiation rights. Minimum you should be able to get visitation rights. Call the state where mom lives and see if you can find out if she is caring for child. You might need to hire detective too. There is a lot you can do online or phone. Get talking to anyone and everyone who will listen. Tell them you are concerned about child. Don't send any more money...she's most likely using it for herself. Open a bank account for him and put it there for later. Buy toys and keep them in a closet until he comes again. Lastly, contact congressman in your home state, California and where mom lives and ask for help. Oh, on Generations United, you can find agencies in your state to help. California has a lot to help grans! I'm working on a book on this subject so let me know if you need anything else. Wake up girl! You've got a grandson to care about! Keep strong. God Bless. Kiss your hubby and make up...you need each other to get through this.
Thanl you all for your advice,I take it all to heart, but the attorney fron Indiana wants $5,000, and he cannot assure us hat we would be granted anything.
I am finding it had=rd to comprhend thatit may be years before I see my monkey again.
I have set up a will, and a trust for him, but no more gifts or moiney unless I get tosee hm..I will make exceptions at the holidays.
You all need to pray for him, he has no voice, and my son ..I am so ashamed of him. It is his birthday today...what the hell happend to my famu=ily?
where did I go wrong?