Jade, I know exactly how you feel. I was married for 20yrs. when my ex found another woman, I raised my children, was single for 10yrs met my current husband, got married and thought now it was time to focus on me. We wanted to travel also, and see alot of the beautiful places in this country. I have days, just like your having now. Then I feel guilty, because I love my grandaughter so much. What gets me is the parents can go and do anytime they want because we have taken on their responsibility. It's alright to have these days, but try not to dwell on them, we have to shake it off and get on with raising our grandchildren.

Jade, I also know exactly what you mean. Between the huge hospital bills, therapy bills, daycare, etc., I emptied my pension fund and we took out a second mortgage on our house just to pay everything. For 5 years, DH worked full time, another weekend job, and sold blood twice a week so we wouldn't lose our home. He 'retired' now, but is working full time at another job while collecting his pension. I could technically retire in 3 years, but I know I will have to work many years beyond that and even then I doubt we will every pay off the huge debt we owe. God forbid one of the vehicles or a major appliance dies - we'd be in major trouble! I just pray that our grandson continues to be the terrific young man he's become so it will all be worthwhile.

I know how you feel. We have been traveling to London for Thanksgiving for the last five years. This Thanksgiving is coming up and we can't go. We are very sad about this. I think taking a 3year old would be a nightmare. All our traveling plans have changed. However, I look at my little grandaughters face and I know I am doing the right thing.

Oh Jade, I also know how you feel. My family is spread all over the U.S. I couldn't wait to travel to see them. Now, that's impossible because of school, appointments, etc. It's okay though because God will take care of all of us as he/she always does. Wouldn't it be wonderful for all of us to meet somewhere in the middle for some much needed quiet time? Even if it's only in our dreams. Is there a reason why you can't move to where your daughter lives? Is there anything in your permanent custody papers that states you can not leave the state? It would be so wonderful for you if you could move away and be with your daughter. I'm sure your daughter and her family would be a big help to you also. Take care!

The only thing or shouldn't say the only thing. But the visits every other weekend. It would be a 9 to 10 hour travel to bring her and pick her up. We fly free but that is only so many times a year.
I know what you mean my family is spread all over. It's hard because I don't have the support I wish I had if family was closer.But my dream is to one day live in Texas. And I wil keep dreaming.

Keep dreaming. It is good for you. Someday you will get to Texas. I have always wanted to take a trip to Tahiti because it sounds so restful. But that isn't going to happen anytime soon. One day I was so overwhelmed with kids and responsibilities I could have cried, but sat down in my rocker and closed my eyes. I could hear the kids were up to something, but at that moment I didn't care if they burned the house down. Next thing I know the kids are talking as if I wasn't there at all - saying things like "gramma isn't here" and "when gramma gets home". I finally opened my eyes to see this BIG sign on my chest. It read, "In Tahiti". It was so sweet to know that they actually cared enough to give me what I wanted. I don't think that Tahiti is as important to me as it once was. Isn't that odd what a piece of paper and some caring kids can do?? My daughter told me that she promised that I would get there even if I died first. She said she would send my ashes there!! Yes, Jade, you will get to Texas yet. Keep dreaming - it's what keeps us going!

I fly to Texas a couple times a year.
My dream vacation is a beach house for two weeks with a deck that I can out and have my coffee in the morning.
I have never seen the ocean.
I will never stop dreaming.
This beautiful little girl last night made me a card. It said....
My mema saved me, she prays for me that I don't have bad dreams. She is a wonderful mema.
There was more just not sure what it said????

Jade, make your dreams a reality. My I ask why you have to take Ri to visit her mother and why you have to pick her up? I make my daughter come visit her son. I use to take him to her and pick him up but I stopped that quick. Why not make them drive 10 hours to see Ri and make them bring her back. Maybe this would be one way to get them out of all of your lives. Just think about it. You deserve so much better.

Oh MY, your sound like my husband and myself! We will be 70 when the five yr. old turns 18 if my daughter doesn't get them back in Jan.
We was traveling and LOVED every moment of it. I had lots of health problems that would bring us back for doc appts but when she went so nuts we stayed around and ended up with all four, then the two we have now. I just don't deal well with my health and raising kids and I love them dearly. It makes me feel quilty! I can't find a good therapist for the kids that will deal with their past and that is what they need. The little guy, my sunshine boy has had one flash back and thought we had been mean to him and locked him in his room. It was AWFUL ! ! My Granddughter told him NO,it wasn't gran gran and PaPa it was Moma that did that to him. What is going to happen to this little boy tha thas all this inside of him. We worry that he could be the kind of child that does harm to someone else as he gets older if he doesn't get this out, no matter what kind of home life he has now!
I can't stand the sight of my own daughter, She hasn't changed and it's been over three years ! The court system stinks in this county.
Don't feel bad towards me but I'm ready to give them to the state. I don't think we can do this! I should have stayed out of this in the beginning and just visted them often. There is people that think maybe next week when we go to court for more visitation that she will get them back but if not in Jan. She will NEVER be able to handle the four kids and the granddaugher we have doesn't want to go back to her. Her father doesn't want her in Koreo, her other grandparents will see her all of thanksgiving week but never say anything about taking her and the little guy has no one but us and my ex-husband and he knows he can't raise them.
I know my health isn't going good and the doc, my heart doc would tell me, NO MORE but I don't know what to do anymore than you. I pray everyday for answers and don't get one, I ask myself if I can live with the quilt if I let them go, will they hate us, will they go somewhere were the abuse good be worse than with their Mom, I have lots of thoughts and I go to bed with this on my mind and wake with it on my mind.
Things go good for a few days and then the kids both seem to go off at the same time. It's very very hard and like you, I want my live back and a chance to live so I will be around to be a grandparent to all 12 of my Grandkids. I never see 8 of them because we don't have the time doing what we are doing. I need answers just like you.....someone help us!

Keep looking until you find the right therapist. We are on the 4th. The 1st one was so high 125 an hour and the second one well she needs to be put away ina stupid house. and the 3rd he was so so but again pretty stupid and Ri did not like going that far. They tried holding that against me in court that I had changed 3 times at that point. But every thing I have read you keep looking to both you and the child are comfertable. And by george I think maybe I have.
When Ri first started going back to her mom's it casues tons of flash backs. She spoke of it often. ANd the one time she picked my belt up and started hitting the chair really hard and said this is how my mommy use to hit me with a belt. I could see the anger coming out as she was hitting the chair. I went to my knees and reached for her, sat her on my lap and I started crying and told her how sorry I was that mommy had done that to her and how sorry I was that she still rmembered it and that hopefully mommy would never touch her again. Ri was also locked in rooms, left in cars taken to meth houses (Labs).
I am fine with raising Ri. My problem is not with her it's the family she goes to visit the tings they say to her.
You said you pray all the time but not getting the answer, maybe you are getting it and your not listening, or it is so point blank you are over looking it.
If your daughter is asking for visits not them back she isn't going to get hem back but she may get visits unless you have some info she doesn't need them. But she will get something if it is supervised. But be prepared for more struggles when they come back from her. That is when are problems started. I have worked with her dealing with anger issues when she comes back, abd that has improved but the things they say against us and telling her to do bad in school etc....
Let your answer from God be whatever the court decides. Pray for this and it will be your answer.

My grandparents took custody of me when I was only about 1 week old. They also had dreams of travel and such, but had to put it off to raise me. They gave me a very wonderful life and I will always be thankful for them. By the time I turned 21 and moved out, they were in their 70's. They did have a few more years to spend together, but granddaddy did die a while back, now grandma is alone. She is 85 now, and gets around good. She goes on several trips a year and flys out to see us grandkids a few times a year. I only live 70 miles away though, so she sees me far more often than the rest of her grandchildren. I hate the fact that my grandparents did not have many "traveling" years together, and I still carry a strong dislike toward my parents for leaving me. I now have 2 sons of my own, and could never imagine throwing them away. My parents are the scum of the earth for throwing me away, just like anybody who neglects or abandons their kids are. But thank God those kids have grandparents like you all to look out for them. Don't worry about giving your kids the opportunity to see their kids, your grandchildren, because it is obvious they don't love them to start with. If they did, they would have straighten their lives out and been the parent they should have been. I am 36 now and see my parents on occasion, but I never go out of my way to do so. In my opinion, a person who gives away their children is nothing but a heartless monster.

Daddy2x thank you. It is so nice to hear from those that were raised by grand parents. One reason is we all question ourself by being older then the avg. parent are we doing a justice to these kids. I try to make sure she has play dates with friends etc. Most people think I'm her mom,but I know in a few years as she gets older me to! and I worry about kids making fun of her etc...
Can you give us some insight on all of that.
You have two little one's and I am sure you can't imagion loving anyhting more then those two. I always thought that away. Until I had grand baby's. Your love just doubles. Some of it could be that we feel so protective towards the one's we are raising since they have been put through so much.
I wish I had you and several others to speak in court on what you wrote.
I have wondered if judges ever hear from the children after they are grown thanking them etc...
That might be something to do. I know I wrote all my teachers a few years ago that I thought so much of and let them know they made a impact on me.

so many of us are in the same boat, but i have found instead of looking at what we wanted and mourning those dreams we changed our dreams and changed how we look at our future. we are nothing if we are not flexible. hugs and more hugs

Yes I know I am very thnakful for what I have and the things I've done more more so for this beautiful child we were apply to recue from a bad home.
It was just this day I was speaking about that I realized our plans would be on hold for many years if then at all. Had never gave it much thought.
If she stays with us this is something she would love doing also. There is always home schooling. She loves traveling.
AS I have said before life is a journel and what a wonderful one it's been so far.

Hi Jade5, you asked me to give some insight on being raised by my grandparents. Well in all honesty it was wonderful. I had a very good life in a very loving home with 2 of the most wonderful people ever. I had many friends as a child. I never recall any of them making fun or talking about me being raised by my grandparents. Back then the only problem I had with it was that I thought my grandparents were a little to strict, but as I got older I realized just how much that showed they loved me. I think the hardest part to them was not the young friends of mine making jokes and things, but the older friends of theirs that would make bad comments about their son, my dad, and why he was not having anything to do with me and just how sorry and no good he was. Even though the comments were true, my dad was still their son and they hated to hear anyone trash him. My granddaddy was very hurt by my dad's actions, but they never talked bad about him. If anything, they tried to encourage me not to think bad of my parents, and would always tell me that my parents were just having a few problems. That is one area my grandparents failed in though, because I did and still do think bad of my parents for their actions. Problems, as my grandparents put it, is not laying around in bars drinking and doing dope. That is just choices, and very bad ones. If my parents had been physically sick or disabled in any way, I might would have thought different of them. Today I am 36 and am married with 2 sons. My parents are in my life now and are cleaned up and doing very well, but they will never have my respect like my grandparents have. My dad and I get in disagreements a few times each year about the way I raise my children. He is an atheist and hates the fact that I am bringing my boys up in church and teaching them about God. If he says something about it, I am very quick to remind him that he had a chance to raise a child, me, but failed in doing so, therefore he should keep his mouth shut about the way I am raising mine. I saw on your profile where you are only 48 years old. You should not be concerned about anything being said about your age and raising a grandchild. A lady that lives close to us just had her first child at 42. My wife and I were both 32 when we had our first one. I know one couple that just had triplets, and he is 50. You are doing a fine job I'm sure. Your grandchild is going to love you to pieces forever for being there for her. God bless.