I feel like I'm stuck, and there's nothing I can do that will change my grandson's position or problems. I wrote a long journal entry tonight, if you could read it & maybe respond, I'd like that. I know I'm making a difference in his life just by being here & loving him. But I wish there was a way to take his pain away, sometimes God help me, I wish I could make him forget his mother. And his father for that matter...he's disappeared now though, and my grandson hasn't seen him in 4 or 5 months now. My granddaughter is fine, I don't worry about her. She doesn't really know her mother, she thinks me & my husband are her parents, and we're fine with that. In fact, my stepdaughter has said she's going to let us adopt the baby girl because she knows it's in her best interest, and she won't be able to afford to take care of 2 children, if & when she ever gets custody back.

I'm just so emotional & weepy lately. I hate seeing my grandson sobbing, it breaks my heart. We made the mistake of letting the mom keep him overnight last week, because she was clean & sober & was working fulltime, plus her boyfriend's mother would be there the entire time. (She works out of her home.) When my husband came to pick him up the next day, she put him in the car & he started crying & getting hysterical immediately. He cried the entire way home about leaving mommy, he was so upset he threw up on himself a couple times, he was crying so hard. I don't know if I have what it takes to watch him go thru this over & over. It breaks my heart, he loves & misses his mother SO much. He's been here a year now & he still hasn't adjusted, although he has started saying "I love you", which was a huge step. He used to just say "bye" when you told him you loved him. He loves us, he's become very affectionate & his speech & behavior have improved. Every time he sees his mom though, he has a breakdown. I'm at a loss as to what to do anymore.