My 7 yr. old grandaughter, calls my husband Dad and sometimes cals me Mom. I used to correct her but one day she set me straight. I would tell her she was my special girl all the time. then she told me that she didn't want to be special, she just wanted to be normal. They want to be like all the other children in school, etc. they don't want to stand out. As for telling your grandson about his Mom, believe me, he already knows. You can tell him that his Mom and dad can't take care of him right now because Mommy needs to work out her problems so she can be a better Mommy. I woudn't worry about hurting anyone's feelings except your grandson's. If Mom didn't want her feelings hurt, then she should have done her job and been a Mom!

oh sunni you are so right!!! her other child is in foster care right now at 17. she turned out just like her mother also. my grandson does see his mother drink and has seen her drunk on many occasions. i cant even count the number of times i had her to detox and rehab, within one day she is drunk again. she even drink cough syrup by the bottle for the alcohol, drinks mouth wash if it has alcohol in it. mixes pills with the drinks so she can get drunk faster. just dont know what to do any more. i have posted this in a few places for support but have not gotten any till today, thanks sunni, i needed that reassurance i guess from someone. at school he does tell the teachers and his friends that i am his mom, so when they look at me, i just say, 'oh, its a long story' and let it go at that. i dont feel i have to explain myself to those other than the ones i want to. God bless sunni, love judy

We are also raising our grandson who is 10. We believe that this is and adult issue and never discuss it with the child. We also do not talk bad about his parents, he has to figure that out by himself some day. The child can't pick who thier parents are and in the eyes of a child they love their parents. There are many times I would love to say negative things about his parents, they are only children once and let them enjoy doing all the things that kids do today. Our Grandson calls us Grandma and Papa, we are not his parents. There are times when I'm not sure if I am a mother or Grandmother so I call myself Grandmom which works for us.

We never say anything bad about my grandaughters Mom(my daughter). Her Mother's problems are nevered discussed in front of her, but I belive in being honest with her as the psycologist told us to do. I just make it age appropiate. As for my daughter, I'm will not continue to sugar coat anything. These parents need a reality check!

When the girls were younger, I told them that mommy and daddy couldn't take care of them right now, but that they loved them very much. And since they loved them so very much, they only wanted what was best for them right now and that is why they are with us. They are older now and know the score. The younger two don't want anything to do with daddy at all. I am not sure about mom as they haven't seen her in over 5 years! The older one has an attachment issue with both of her parents so much that whatever is said about her parents in whatever context, she will defend them until she is in tears. We have explained to all three where their parents are and why they cannot be full time parents to them.

She feels we are mean to her parents and wants to live with them. Daddy lives with his girlfriend (mommy's best friend) and their two boys. Mommy is somewhere on the streets doing drugs and Heaven only knows what. She has been in and out of jail. My step-son and daughter-in-law are not divorced even though he has been with this other bimbo over 9 years!! The oldest one jokes when she plays Monopoly and lands "in jail" that she is visiting her mom in jail!!

We will not know for years yet that telling the girls what we have about their parents has done to the girls.

Good Luck. God Bless.

You should answer their questions but very easy answers and don't go to far, they will ask more again later.
Our grand daughter's mom told her older sibling that we were trying to say she was sick and take Ri so she might have to go to a hospital. Anyway her sibling then told Ri this. She would ask differnt questions about a year later. She had learnt about drugs, drinking etc in school. So I explain about her mom and dad very lightly and it wasn't a suprise to her at all. She actually started telling us stuff we did not know. But it was like she had to keep all of it a sceret and when I was honest with her it was like she could finally let it all out. It was really strange.
We to never put her mom down. During the times she would not show up for visits I remember Ri asking doesn't my mommy love me????? It broke our heart. And we would re assure her that mommy loved her very much.
It is hard to speak positive about her but we have always done it, because it would only harm Ri in the long run. And no matter what you say as children they are going to love there mommy.
But raisingan... you are wrong. You are his parents maybe not his mom and dad but you are his parents.
This came from a very smart girl when she was 3.
My husband was playing with her on the floor. He was working with her on Aunts, Uncles parents. When it got to parents she named us, he said no honey your parents are mom and dad. She said no

I never bad mouth my daughter to my grandson. I have told him that mommy has to get a job and a home in order to take care of him. He has been okay with that but he does have his own opinion. Children are not dumb. They can honestly read between the lines. His mother has talked badly about my husband and me however; I refuse to come down to her level. Good luck to you.

That's right....if we came down to their level we would have no right to complain about them.
Now in court they tried to say we did, (speak badly of them to her)but my concoiuses is clean there.After that horrible 10 hour day in court it took all I had not to for a week or so. But I can stand proud it never happen and it will never happen.

my granddaughter knows that her mom has an illness that makes it hard for her to take care of herself and her children. i always think about what is age appropriate when speaking to my granddaughter. and there are lots of kids now that are just like her, being raised by grandparents. these kids like most blame themselves, they dont need to hear the goory details, that serves no one . many hugs and good lluck

My grandson hasn't seen his mother since he was 2 y/o..He calls her his regular Mom..He often calls my daughter Mom..She also has a 6 y/o & they're being raised closely together.He remebers his dad & talks about him al the time.Anthony had a speech impairment & couldn't say any words until he was about 3 1/2 years old..He could only make sounds..Mostly "B" sounds.He called himself Boo & I was Bubba.He's come along way in the past 2 1/2 years & now only mispronounces words..I'm still his Bubba & I hope that never changes .As for his mom,she left another child 3 years younger then anthony w/her father also.No awards going her way any time soon..I just tell him,she has some things to work out & moved far away & when he gets older we'll look for her..Her family has moved ,but he still remembers the house when we drive past.She never came to my son's viewing or contested any of the custody or adoption hearings.Sometimes u just have to wonder if the Good lord has a reason for everything he doesThese babies didn't ask for any of this..As my son used to say,"They didn't join,they were recruited."

Both of our grandsons asked us if they could call us mom and dad...it helps them not to have to answer too many questions from the kids at school. As for what we tell the boys about their parents, we sugar coat the truth. We tell them that their parents have made alot of wrong choices in their lives and that is why they are with us. This also teaches them what happens when you don't think things threw.

After almost 3 years I told my 8 year old ODD ADD granddaughter and grandson the truth. I told them that they were not at fault that they were loved but that drugs are an illness that take over their parents lives. That their parents love them to pieces but they need help the same as we do when we are sick, only they aren't ready to go and get it. I also stress that we are not Mom and Dad, that we are the grandparents. That we love them and are here to take care of them. It was hard at first and there were many questions and anger but now they understand, and the biggest thing is they don't resent us for "stealing them" from their parents,and we don't bad mouth the parents we stress they are ill. It works in our house but maybe not in others, I believe in no secrets because we have found from our own children (blended family) it only bites you in the butt later.

I have had my grandaughter from birth. She will be three in 2 months. There was a time when her Mother(my daughter) was going to get her. But due to her drug use and criminal activity, they placed her with me for the long run. I have full guardianship. My baby calls me Mom. I fought it for a long time and kept trying to tell her no, I am your Grandma. This little girl insisted that no, I am her Mom. I finally gave in. I am the only Mom she knows. My daughter has seen her 3 times so far this year. If the baby knew her as her Mom that would be one thing, but in this case, she doesn't. A child counsoler would tell you to let the child make the choice on what they want to call the parent person.
Yep someday we will have to explain all this to her. My plan is to have a child mental health worker help us tell her in a way that will help her to understand about her real Mother. I do not want this child to EVER feel that she is or was not loved or wanted. She has always been loved and wanted by many people and always will.
I grew up in foster homes and I know that horrible feeling that a child has when she feels it is her fault that her Mom did not want her. Oh yeah, they all told me that my Mom was sick and that she made poor choices. I still felt like I was not good enough. The one thing I always wished for as a child was a home. A long term home where I could have parents and someone who really loved me. My grandaughter will never have to go through that because she is home and she does have a "Mom" that loves her. ME!
I guess each to his own. I have a lot of different feelings on this because of being in foster homes and tossed around. I loved my real Mother very much but still wished I could have had a real home and real parents to grow up with.
Good luck to all of you who are raising family and/or grandchildren. Our babies are very fortunate to have us.
Thanks for letting me air my opinion.