what is in these kids' best interest concerning whether or not to keep them connected to their deadbeat parents? By deadbeat I mean parents who don't have jobs, contribute nothing to the kids' living expenses other than small token "brownie" gifts, don't get their lives straightened out (in my case because of their addiction issues), but still want to visit with their kids? I mean, I know it's going to be a case by case situation, but if a messed up parent can manage to come over at least seemingly clean & sober for a weekly supervised visit & the child is ecstatic to spend the time with them, and the parent seems genuinely happy to spend time with the child, it does seem like the best thing for the child. The child has the knowledge that even if the parent is messed up, he/she loves them enough to come and spend a little time with them. Some people would argue that if a parent is going to be nothing more than a playdate, they don't deserve to spend time with their child. But......isn't it about what's best for the child and not so much about rewarding the messed up parent?? I do know from experience raising a stepchild that it is very, VERY, VERY important for a child to feel like his/her parent loves them and wants to spend time with them. My GS is so happy when my son comes to see him & he is devastated when he leaves. The baby cries and cries and cries, and my son usually does, too, but doesn't let the baby see him. He "sneaks" out, but that doesn't really work either because as soon as the baby realizes he's gone - he gets upset. I made an appt. with my counselor and plan on discussing these things with her, but I'd like to know some other people's experiences with this. I think I'm going to be in this for the long haul and I think having a "visiting" daddy or mommy may be the best thing my grandson gets out of his parents; at least that's what I see for the foreseeable future. Perhaps they will grow up at some point and change, but for now, it's all I hope for.
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