Grandparents Raising Children Support Group
This community is dedicated to grandparents who are the primary caregivers of their grandchildren. In cases where the parents are not willing or able to provide adequate care for their children, grandparents may take on the role of primary caregivers. Join the support group to find support, share your experience, and get advice from other members.
I've exchanged emails a few times with my stepdaughter's grandmother; I've sent her online pictures and updates on the kids. Everything has been very friendly so far, and she's said that she's grateful for all we've done. Then I got this email from her today, and it really made me mad!
Hi Shelli:
When you go to court tomorrow, please keep in mind A's feelings first of all since she is the bio Mom for both kids. Regardless of what you may think she loves her kids, but has left them with you because she knows that you will take care of them while she is trying to get her life in order. Please don't do her wrong by taking the kids away from her while she is down and out. She has agreed to allow you to adopt C, that should be enough I would think. That must have been a difficult decision for A, but as I said she knows you will love her Daughter. A is Michael's blood & I know he wants to do the right thing for her. Please don't be like his mother.....pushing him to do what you want him to do. (My husband's mother is who she's referring to here.)
Shelli, I realize that you cannot have any children & want a daughter, but do the right thing. You will never regret it. She is willing to allow you and Michael to adopt C....don't take the baby boy as well. That would finish A. I really think she is trying to do the right thing and get her life in order. She is like anyone else....just wants to be cared about.....not treated like dirt the way her husband treated her. Please do the christian thing, don't fight A......help her instead. The past 3 or 4 years have been difficult for her. True, she made some bad decisions, but haven't we all at one time or another. She really needs your help now.
Thanks for listening,
Hi Shelli:
When you go to court tomorrow, please keep in mind A's feelings first of all since she is the bio Mom for both kids. Regardless of what you may think she loves her kids, but has left them with you because she knows that you will take care of them while she is trying to get her life in order. Please don't do her wrong by taking the kids away from her while she is down and out. She has agreed to allow you to adopt C, that should be enough I would think. That must have been a difficult decision for A, but as I said she knows you will love her Daughter. A is Michael's blood & I know he wants to do the right thing for her. Please don't be like his mother.....pushing him to do what you want him to do. (My husband's mother is who she's referring to here.)
Shelli, I realize that you cannot have any children & want a daughter, but do the right thing. You will never regret it. She is willing to allow you and Michael to adopt C....don't take the baby boy as well. That would finish A. I really think she is trying to do the right thing and get her life in order. She is like anyone else....just wants to be cared about.....not treated like dirt the way her husband treated her. Please do the christian thing, don't fight A......help her instead. The past 3 or 4 years have been difficult for her. True, she made some bad decisions, but haven't we all at one time or another. She really needs your help now.
Thanks for listening,
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
""I would have thought by now that you knew we've never had anything but A's best interests at heart...actually, for a while there, we had the children's best interests at heart first, followed by A's. If you were to ask A, I would like to think that she would tell you that I've always been fair, loving & supportive towards her, and we've bent over backwards trying to help her get out of this mess. I know she loves her kids, I've always known that. I'm hoping that she's gotten enough of a clear head now to see that in order for her to be a good mother, she has to stay clear of the drugs, and the alcohol. Michael & I have never "tried to take the kids away", and we're looking forward to the day that she's able to get her son back. That boy needs to be with his mommy & we all see that; she just needs to be able to take care of him.
I know you're writing this because you love A & the kids, and you want to protect her & take care of her, you worry about her. That's why I'm trying not to take offense at anything you wrote. I have never, once, tried to influence one of Michael's decisions. We've always made decisions together, and he's always had final say on them. My infertility has also not had anything to do with any of the events that have gone on in this last year. Michael & I had gotten comfortable with Noah, and were happy to have one child & be past the potty training & the 2s & 3s. We didn't get custody of the kids because we wanted more children of our own, our sole concern was always for the safety of the kids, and the desire of keeping them from being taken away & getting into "the system". We never "asked" A to "give us" C. Michael talked to her about how bonded C had become to us, because we've been her primary caregivers since she was 2 months old. Michael did let her know that he was worried about C being traumatized being taken away from us in the future, and that we were willing to keep her if A wanted that. I realize that was a difficult decision for A to make, and I'm proud of her for making a mature decision & having C's best interests at heart.
I talked to A just yesterday when our lawyer came over, and after the lawyer left, I told her we would help her as much as we could, but baby boy really needs to be with his mommy as soon as possible. Baby boy is very bonded to A, and the longer he's away from her, the harder it is on him. I realize this is difficult for her, and that she loves him very much & wants him back. I just wanted to be sure she understood that this needs to happen ASAP, so that baby boy doesn't suffer any more.
I also know that A does need to be cared for, and that was part of the reason we wanted her to stay here with us. She would have been cared for, and she would have gotten hands on experience caring for baby boy while she worked as well. She chose to move out to live with her boyfriend. The lawyer also told her that when she goes back to court to get custody of baby boy, the court will not grant her custody if she's living with a man & not married. The judges here are pretty strict about that evidently.
Anyways...I know you have A's best interests at heart. I just want to make sure you remember that we do as well. We never did a single thing out of spite, to hurt A, or to steal her kids. The ideal situation would be that none of this happened, but it did. Since it happened, we did what we felt we had to do for the welfare of the kids, and nothing more. We would love to see A actually happy for once, and being a mom & enjoying it. I can't remember the last time I actually saw A happy, and that's a very sad realization. By the way, our court date got pushed again, so we don't go to court until Dec 18th now, I believe.
Shelli
I to have had them say I just wanted another child. I tihnk these people that say that are some what crrazy I guess you could say.
I was willing tot ake her for a few months, but now that it has been a few years I don't see myself being able to let her go. But that doesn't still mean I wanted another child, but yet I became a mother again.
PLus in these cases it some times comes down to not who got the last word in....... most of the time what you say they don't hear it anyway.
I have found many times I am dammed if I do and dammed if I don't.
Just always be careful anything you write to them, at least explain your self and make several comments through out that you say this out of love or because you care etc.....