Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
I know I'm gay, but I also know I don't get along well with most of the men I meet. I know very few other gay men. Some of that is because I was part of the first HIV wave and most of the men I knew in my twenties are dead. I think I liked men better before they betrayed me by dying in droves, but I don't know if I ever liked them -- typically -- as much as I liked women. I have more straight male friends than gay male friends (of course, there's probably more straight men in the world) but I have no desire to have a sexual relationship with any of them.
Also, I've never been a real fan of sex. I wanted affection more than sexual intercourse.
Through most of my life I've had folks make assumptions that I'm some big old horn dog and either speak to me as if I know about every conceivable sexual variety and practice on the planet or else assume that I am "one of the girls." I was working a wedding once and the bride actually showed me her honeymoon underwear (just lifted her gown right up over her head) while she was outside having a cigarette with me. She said something like, "Oh. I just had to show you. With you it's just like one of my girlfriends."
So my topic here is ... for me it's not the sex that makes me gay or even an attraction to a man's personality, but I still know I'm gay.
Does anybody else out there ever feel that way?
Also, I've never been a real fan of sex. I wanted affection more than sexual intercourse.
Through most of my life I've had folks make assumptions that I'm some big old horn dog and either speak to me as if I know about every conceivable sexual variety and practice on the planet or else assume that I am "one of the girls." I was working a wedding once and the bride actually showed me her honeymoon underwear (just lifted her gown right up over her head) while she was outside having a cigarette with me. She said something like, "Oh. I just had to show you. With you it's just like one of my girlfriends."
So my topic here is ... for me it's not the sex that makes me gay or even an attraction to a man's personality, but I still know I'm gay.
Does anybody else out there ever feel that way?
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
The gay community, thankfully, in my city is so large and diverse, that everyone can usually find a place to fit in and find others who share their values.
I don't relate to the "betrayal" although so many men that I've known have also died. Some of them though were not happy and looking for ways to die.
As a group we also suffer from depression often due to how we are treated in society. Having been bashed several times, I know what it is like to question who you are and where you fit in the world.
But don't understand why you feel "betrayed". I have grieved over the loss of a friend. But I think that would be normal.
The feeling to me was betrayal. I resented (still do a little) being left alone.
Does anybody else out there ever feel that way?"
Sure, I do...for me being gay is a certain sensibility and a way to see my own life. I don't know if I'm just more connected to my feelings, or the feminine, or whatever..but I felt that difference long before I knew of my orientation or sex.
However sex is also a big part of who I am as a gay man, even though I'm single. I've always been curious and even sometimes obsessed about sexuality, maybe because I had to repress it due to my education. I don't have a very good relationship with it for that reason. Being gay for me is very complicated.
On to men, disliking men is a very general topic. I think there are likely to be specific things that you dislike and that are found in men in general.
Being gay doesn't require me to like all men, or desire all men.
I'm sure there are qualities that you like that can be found in men. I hope that you will meet more men with the characteristics that you value.
I am a wonderful guy, and the fact that I sleep at night with Ken and not some women does not change who I am.
Edgar...I do go parading -- from time to time. It has nothing to do with pride but with politics. I've also been to sit-ins and have used va ariety of other political tools to assert my rights in society.
I don't need to be in a thong to assert my rights, but massing with a million people in a gay pride parade is one way to send a political message to the community and the politicians.
I respect that others may have more to risk and not be able to take such and vocal and public approach to the issue.
As well, we all have our own ways of seeking our rights in society.
There are a lot of guys I don't like -- but that has nothing to do with sexuality -- it's their personality.
I think that's interesting. I'm pretty sure there is something in there I'm not quite thinking through all of the way, but I know it is not as simple as what is often suggested to me ("That guy's really cute .... I bet you want him!")