Dear curt67,

Coming to terms with your sexuality can be extremely stressful, myself, I turned to the bottle, drugs and had many, major thoguhts of suicide. I was lucky, a relative of mine took me by the hand and walked me into my first gay bar, and the rest is history.

You can continue on the same path that you are on or you can take the necessary steps to live the life that your Creator...whomever that may be wanted you to be. He/She/It doesn't not make mistakes and isn't spiteful. I know it can be terrifing but find the inner strength and put your first foot forward and be open as possible to what you see and feel. No one will force you, take it as slow as possible or as fast but do it to your comfort level.

I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to. Remember that you are loved and valued.
Jon

thanks im trying to stay strong I never thought I would be in the of actually people Im gay but it feels good to stop living the lie

Hey my friend. there's lots of support here for you. One thing that really helped me is when I realized that when I hide who I am, that says I am ashamed of myself. You really have to accept and love yourself for who you are and believe in yourself. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are because that does a number on your self esteem whether you realize it or not. Feel good about yourself....you have nothing to hide. Love who you are. Best wishes!! If you need to talk, I'm here!

For me the big turning point came when I decided (for my own sanity and to preserve my life) that I would have to trust to the voice of my own experience over the voices of all those people around me - who thought they knew better than I what I was supposed to feel.

In other words, I had to take a big step away from giving a shit about their opinion regarding what I knew as my own personal truth.

It wasn't easy.

The thing that pisses me off about it (even after all these years) is how successful those other people were at training me to hate myself, at teaching me that I was unworthy of love, at barring me from having any exposure to healthy, happy self-actualized gay role models, at fostering the belief that I was going to hell and deserved to suffer in this life and for all eternity.

I know I dearly wish there had been people in my life as I was coming out who would have reassured me that as a gay man
- my sexuality is a GIFT
- that I can have both a LOVE life and a LOVING life
- my happiness and self-worth is NOT dependent on conformity to conservative religious opinion

I don't know if that's what you need to hear, but I can assure that it is ALL true.

peace,
Brian

curt,

I can't really relate to your situation.

When I discovered I liked guys more than girls, I was thrilled. It was like a fire was lit, and I was excited. Never did I feel there was anything wrong with me.

You say "maybe i can fix it" as if there's something wrong with you. The only thing wrong is that you think there's something wrong with being gay. Where did you get that idea? Some preacher in church or a family member?

Being gay is very, very accepted in most parts of the US these days. When celebrities come out, sure it's in the news, but nobody is shocked anymore. A lot of progress has been made in the acceptance of gay people.

We date back to the Greeks for goodness sake. We've been around a long time.

I guess part of the reason I don't understand your situation is that I grew up in a totally different generation. I'm not sure exactly how accepting Texas is, but I know they have some backwards laws like...you can't order sex toys online, and (is this still true?) that homosexuals can be arrested if they're caught having sex. I'm not sure if that last one is true.

Anyway. You've got to let go of the idea that they're something wrong with you. There's certainly nothing wrong with us!

this wont be long winded of dos and donts. love yourself hunny and accept you. its a life long practice so easy up on yourself hunny and remember to smile

Fiddler's outlook rings true for me...
"...I had to take a big step away from giving a shit about their opinion regarding what I knew as my own personal truth."

Being raised in the "Afghanistan of the USA" (SE Idaho/Utah) , I was programed from the day I was born to HATE myself for being gay. I was always instructed that "that way of life is a choice". For a long time I bought into that and lived a life of denial in order to fit in (I still didn't...no matter how much "make-up" I applied. I split my personality into fragments to grave effect on my mental health.

Remember that you don't have to fit anyone's stereotype. Don't accept ANY labels you or others are so wiling to apply. You are uniquely YOU and all of your goodness is STILL YOURS!

Listen bro; don't be a fool like me and miss out on a wonderful fulfilling life with someone because you are nervous. I did that recently and now I fear that I have lost the love of my life because of it. Come out (gently) and move on with your life. The alternative is far too painful.