
Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.

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I am curious and it is probably a topic that is buried quite often, how frequently any of us have been bashed or abused as gay men?
Over recent months, the issue of discrimination and harassment was fairly prominent, but the issue of violence against gay men -- by stranger or "loved one" seems rarely discussed.
Over recent months, the issue of discrimination and harassment was fairly prominent, but the issue of violence against gay men -- by stranger or "loved one" seems rarely discussed.
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So the next time someone called me a fag, I beat the shit out of him. Luckily I didn't know him... and was able to run away fast or else I might have had an assault charge.
As for family members... my dad used to GO OUT OF HIS WAY to make sure that I knew he was ok with me being gay. Sometimes it was awkward when he'd ask me about my sex life. Ugh.
OSTEORON - is there someone close to you that's "bashing" you in some way???
Thanks for you concern and I am quite safe and secure. I asked the question for 2 reasons really. It's been awhile, but yes, I do have scars and had more than one surgery related to past situations of violence.
With the conversation here on relationships and meeting people, I think other people are at risk (even though to a small degree) in the way that I was and so many others have been as well. In our interest for significant relationships, it is quite easy to overlook the signs of a person who will becoming controlling and assaultive at some point in the future. And the desire to find someone literally blinds people to the warning signs.
As there is a fair bit of discussion on politics and our community, I love that I came out in my teen years. The experience was amazing including the rallies, protests and connection to the community -- not to mention the throngs of people that I came to know. The problem is that being political puts in situations that we normally wouldn't find ourselves in day to day life. I experienced more homophobia as a result of being politically proactive than if I had sat out and just gone about day to day life.
Professionally, I meet people who are still being assaulted in a variety of ways and it is still a topic that I find many are reluctant to discuss.
I was almost killed, held at knifepoint, physically assaulted requiring surgery to repair the damage, etc. I know others out there have had similar experiences.
Reading about the 14 year old California youth was executed this week for being gay, just reinforces my feeling that it is a topic that needs some time and attention.
Next time I open my mouth to complain, I'll make sure to remember the stuff u'v been through! You seem really strong despite/because of all that, though!
Thanks, I do consider myself to have earned my right to be as loud and as proud as what I feel.
Juan's question was particularly interesting for me based on the high school that I attended. As it turned out, the police would not charge the guys who held me at knife point, the school would not expel and I wasn't allowed to leave home unless I had a drive or a weapon with me. Nor would the police charge them when I was almost run down by car one night.
The challenge for me is that I consider everyone's experience of being young and being gay to be unique but to have some very common themes.
I am not thrilled about the the conversation about scars that I end up having when I start dating someone new, but what the heck, we don't have control over everything in life.
Out of it now. Live alone and still recovering.
do u mind if I ask u what happened that made it so u had to have surgery? Are your scars from surgery or from something else? And...... what kind of surgery did u have?
You don't have to answer those if u don't want to, but I'm really interested. I haven't communicated with someone who's been through that kind of stuff before.
I myself have been called a faggot a few times, and depending on my mood at the time I acted different on each occasion. Some I ignored, some I questioned why they felt the need to put me down, and like Matt says, some I beat the daylights out of.
We are gay, we bleed red and are no different, we need not put up with other peoples bigotry.
P.S I'm very new here, so if anyone wants to send me a message, feel free :)
Take care, Os.
However, there is one instance in particular that stands out...
I was in a Bible Study group before I came out, which was led by a guy who we will call "Bill". When I came out, Bill was none too pleased and tormented me with both anti-atheism and anti-gay e-mails. Most of the latter. When I got angry about it, he suddenly got very friendly and insisted on telling me how much Jesus loved me and wanted me to turn away from this "evil perversion".
Now, this was Summer Semester 2008. He was not back at the school yet, this was all through e-mail or text messages.
I started receiving random threatening messages on my cell phone that were coming from an unknown number. They had Bill written all over them. At this point, I had had quite enough, and I demanded that this behavior stop, I yelled at him over the phone about this. He insisted it wasn't him with the threats, and I told him to stop lying to me.
I also told him to never approach me again, and to never speak with me again.
So what's the first thing this asshole decides to do the moment he gets back to school in the Fall? That's right...he pays a visit to my dorm with three of his buddies. I open the door, don't even say a word, and shut it in their faces and throw the bolt. I tell them they have five minutes to leave, or I was calling the cops.
They refused to leave the area outside my door, constantly shouting anti-gay jargon and Bible verses at me. I gave them 10 minutes (I'm overly generous), and then I called the police. They were told that they would be arrested the next time they approached my apartment.
I haven't really had any problems since. I consider myself very lucky for somebody who lives in the South, however.