I've never been physically abused, but I have suffered psychological abuse. My mother did not handle my gayness well. She referred to my mind as "warped." It did nothing for my self-esteem, needless to say. In high school, this big, macho creep called me a "faggot" in front of my entire English class. Once in the Marina in San Francisco, a straight female friend and I were walking back to our hotel room from the restaurant we had eaten dinner at, and some guys in a car drove by and hurled some anti-gay epithets at us. That also happened once when I was driving and used to have a pink triangle on the back of my old car. Once at work some coworkers I had just talked to must have thought I was gone, but I was only on the other side of the divider. One of them referred to me as a "freak." There have probably been other situations I've forgotten or buried in my subconscious.

The first time I was physically assaulted was outside a nightclub. I told myself I wasn't going to be a victim of THAT anymore.

So the next time someone called me a fag, I beat the shit out of him. Luckily I didn't know him... and was able to run away fast or else I might have had an assault charge.

As for family members... my dad used to GO OUT OF HIS WAY to make sure that I knew he was ok with me being gay. Sometimes it was awkward when he'd ask me about my sex life. Ugh.

OSTEORON - is there someone close to you that's "bashing" you in some way???

When I was in High School I was bashed by 3 guys. They punched me and slammed me up against the wall. Lots of bruises but luckily no broken bones. The school administration knew who did it but they did nothing about it. This was 16 years ago so I would like to think it would be handled different now.

Yes.........partner and I when we lived in the "gay ghetto" in Long Beach Ca., four of them ganging up on us, we were not hurt............they hit like little girls.....................

Hi Matt

Thanks for you concern and I am quite safe and secure. I asked the question for 2 reasons really. It's been awhile, but yes, I do have scars and had more than one surgery related to past situations of violence.

With the conversation here on relationships and meeting people, I think other people are at risk (even though to a small degree) in the way that I was and so many others have been as well. In our interest for significant relationships, it is quite easy to overlook the signs of a person who will becoming controlling and assaultive at some point in the future. And the desire to find someone literally blinds people to the warning signs.

As there is a fair bit of discussion on politics and our community, I love that I came out in my teen years. The experience was amazing including the rallies, protests and connection to the community -- not to mention the throngs of people that I came to know. The problem is that being political puts in situations that we normally wouldn't find ourselves in day to day life. I experienced more homophobia as a result of being politically proactive than if I had sat out and just gone about day to day life.

Professionally, I meet people who are still being assaulted in a variety of ways and it is still a topic that I find many are reluctant to discuss.

I was almost killed, held at knifepoint, physically assaulted requiring surgery to repair the damage, etc. I know others out there have had similar experiences.

Reading about the 14 year old California youth was executed this week for being gay, just reinforces my feeling that it is a topic that needs some time and attention.

dang, osteoron.

Next time I open my mouth to complain, I'll make sure to remember the stuff u'v been through! You seem really strong despite/because of all that, though!

Hi Matt

Thanks, I do consider myself to have earned my right to be as loud and as proud as what I feel.

Juan's question was particularly interesting for me based on the high school that I attended. As it turned out, the police would not charge the guys who held me at knife point, the school would not expel and I wasn't allowed to leave home unless I had a drive or a weapon with me. Nor would the police charge them when I was almost run down by car one night.

The challenge for me is that I consider everyone's experience of being young and being gay to be unique but to have some very common themes.

I am not thrilled about the the conversation about scars that I end up having when I start dating someone new, but what the heck, we don't have control over everything in life.

Just this last October I got out of an eight year abusive relationship. He liked to twist things so it was always my fault. Hit me four times. May not seem like that much but in reality it was just enough. Just enough to keep me concerned that it could happen again at any time. He maintained control this way. Also he chose to humiliate me with my carpal issues, fatigue, etc...

Out of it now. Live alone and still recovering.

Osteoron -

do u mind if I ask u what happened that made it so u had to have surgery? Are your scars from surgery or from something else? And...... what kind of surgery did u have?

You don't have to answer those if u don't want to, but I'm really interested. I haven't communicated with someone who's been through that kind of stuff before.

Gosh I just remembered someone I used to work with lived in Texas and was beaten and taken out in the boonies and cut up all over his body with a box cutter and left for dead..................................

I was sorry to read your story, Os.
I myself have been called a faggot a few times, and depending on my mood at the time I acted different on each occasion. Some I ignored, some I questioned why they felt the need to put me down, and like Matt says, some I beat the daylights out of.
We are gay, we bleed red and are no different, we need not put up with other peoples bigotry.
P.S I'm very new here, so if anyone wants to send me a message, feel free :)
Take care, Os.

In 1987 when I was 18 years old, a friend and I were walking from the parking lot to a gay bar, and a truck full of rednecks threw a beer bottle at me, and hit me on the side of my head, "fortunately" for me it just left a bump and didn't require stitches.

Living in Georgia, I don't have it near as bad as I possibly could, especially going to a state university.

However, there is one instance in particular that stands out...

I was in a Bible Study group before I came out, which was led by a guy who we will call "Bill". When I came out, Bill was none too pleased and tormented me with both anti-atheism and anti-gay e-mails. Most of the latter. When I got angry about it, he suddenly got very friendly and insisted on telling me how much Jesus loved me and wanted me to turn away from this "evil perversion".

Now, this was Summer Semester 2008. He was not back at the school yet, this was all through e-mail or text messages.

I started receiving random threatening messages on my cell phone that were coming from an unknown number. They had Bill written all over them. At this point, I had had quite enough, and I demanded that this behavior stop, I yelled at him over the phone about this. He insisted it wasn't him with the threats, and I told him to stop lying to me.

I also told him to never approach me again, and to never speak with me again.

So what's the first thing this asshole decides to do the moment he gets back to school in the Fall? That's right...he pays a visit to my dorm with three of his buddies. I open the door, don't even say a word, and shut it in their faces and throw the bolt. I tell them they have five minutes to leave, or I was calling the cops.

They refused to leave the area outside my door, constantly shouting anti-gay jargon and Bible verses at me. I gave them 10 minutes (I'm overly generous), and then I called the police. They were told that they would be arrested the next time they approached my apartment.

I haven't really had any problems since. I consider myself very lucky for somebody who lives in the South, however.

Well DAYUM reading thru this thread just makes me mad, I suppose others are abused for who they are too but we just don't deserve any of this just for being who we are (meaning gay) oh well I guess in my lifetime it is just part of our experience but I hope there is someday that this doesn't happen..............................................

Here's one example. I have an ex-friend who is a cop. We have known each other for years. He has hated me ever since he found out I was Gay. This story is hard to believe I know but I will tell it anyway. This man went from being a good friend to a man with a stalking obession. He has done some horrible things to me in the past. I can not trust nor ask for help from any police officer in his jurisdication. And he can not handle it that when I moved to another town my son chose to go live with me his Dad. And he has done everything he can to undermine my relationship with my son since then. Things finnally got quiet for about one year. But the world is small. The beginning of last Feb. we ran into each other by chance. He approached me with another ex-friend. And I told them both in no uncertain terms to stay away from me and that I don't want anything to do with them anymore. It all started up again. Feb. March & April was totally nuts with the police repeatly pulling me over giving me tickets, stalking me, harrassing me at convience stores etc. Repeated drive buys at my home. All kinds of stuff. It more or less ended recently when things started to esculate and an over zealous officer so to speak crossed the line and made a play at running me over in a parking lot. There was wittnesses and he took off. Everything is quiet now for the time being. I'm not the least bit scared of them and this is part of the problem. They wanted to intimidate me so badly. but they can't. And now the one's that didn't even know me hate for their own reasons. Because I don't like to be. I'm normally a very respectful type person but I can be, a Real Wise Ass Fuck. They learned that from all the altercations that took place. Sometimes the life you live takes on a life of it's own that you may not think you have any controll over. And it's good to pick and choose your battles wisely. but in the end you do have to stick up for yourself. Cause if you don't you may as well just lock yourself in your home and never come out. But you know something I learned most Gay People have alot of inner strenght and that's not usually what happens in the end. Although some regretfully and as horribble as it is do lose their lives over that inner strenght to be apart of this world and live their lives as they were meant to.