I'm a 47 year old gay man that has only recently become accepting of myself for being gay. I had good friends in my life until I was in my 30's. As you might suspect they were all heterosexuals and they all got married and began leading their own personal lives. Eventually those friendships all faded away. I spent alot of time after that just being alone and even resigned myself as a hermit. I was working so I did have human interactions on a daily basis. Two years ago, while taking Cymbalta, I became very agitated and difficult to get along with at work. I blamed it on the people that I worked with and eventually just quit. I've lived completely alone for 24 years and now that I have no career I've lost pretty much all human contact. I do still see family but our relationships are all pretty superficial and I still spend a large amout of time alone. I have been trying to make some gay friends to be social with but where I live there aren't any gays that I know. I'm not out to family in the area so that makes it more difficult. I do have some wonderful friends here on DS but they are all over the country and none in my own backyard, so to speak. I have resigned myself recently to go to the gay bars to try and meet some new people, but it's difficult to find someone that wants something besides sex. The isolation and loneliness is becoming unbearable. People tell me to volunteer or other stuff like that but the superficial stuff just doesn't interest me. I want to make a deeper connection. I want someone that will really care about me and want to spend time with me. I can't find that. I want to be in a relationship but I think that I've been alone so long that I come across as needy. I've never been one to lie to get people to like me and when I tell them my situation they run for the hills. What do I do, fake it til I make it?
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