Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
You saw the topic above, said, "Oh my GAWD I hate drama!!" and opened this post...
I am in a bit of a mood today, so it may explain some of my attitude (following):
Guys, it's time to wake up. No one is going to take care of you. You have to take care of yourself. And your insecurities and trust issues may be valid based on your experiences, but it is NEVER going to allow you to have a successful relationship with ANY other guy.
There are all kinds of posts on here about guys just wanting sex, ex-boyfriends that don't want to communicate, boyfriends that cheat, guys that break your heart, guys that are needy, guys that are insecure, guys that can't find another guy to date, and so on and so forth.
Let's face it: It is really damn hard for 2 guys to try to maintain a "traditional" relationship of monogamy and happiness. Hell, its hard enough for hetero folk. If 2 fairly stable guys meet and are attracted to each other, and both are interested in having a long term relationship, then things MIGHT work. Otherwise, 99% of the time, the relationship is doomed, it seems. If two guys are needy, untrusting, untrustworthy, unemployed, have an unstable living situations or are otherwise unstable, then the chances are really good that any relationship will end in a bad way.
I'm not advocating "hooking up" but there are some damn good reasons gay guys engage in it. First, we know what both guys want. Second, there is no emotional wreckage for either guy to wade through before or after the sex act takes place. There is no concern beyond the physical. Is is a "moral" way to satisfy our need for physical intimacy? No, probably not. But rather then spend days, months, years trying to make a boyfriend relationship work... and then find out that someone cheated, someone's unhappy, you wasted months or years of your life with this person for nothing, etcetera, etcetera... at least you know where you stand with the other guy. Its about wanting physical intimacy and sexual contact. Period.
Of course, there are many reasons NOT to hookup. It may eventually destroy someone's ability to maintain a long term companion. Although it has occurred to me that most guys who hookup may be ones who don't WANT a long term relationship anyway. Some guys are quite happy being single. Now, as a hookup artist, you can catch all kinds of nifty diseases, even if you are using protection, but perhaps thats better then catching something from your supposedly monogamous boyfriend. If you like to hookup, you can get a reputation as a slut, though as far as I can tell, most gay men just assume every other gay man is/has the potential to be a slut anyway.
I expect to catch some flak for this post, but it just reflects my growing experiences with boyfriends, dating, and casual sex.
I am in a bit of a mood today, so it may explain some of my attitude (following):
Guys, it's time to wake up. No one is going to take care of you. You have to take care of yourself. And your insecurities and trust issues may be valid based on your experiences, but it is NEVER going to allow you to have a successful relationship with ANY other guy.
There are all kinds of posts on here about guys just wanting sex, ex-boyfriends that don't want to communicate, boyfriends that cheat, guys that break your heart, guys that are needy, guys that are insecure, guys that can't find another guy to date, and so on and so forth.
Let's face it: It is really damn hard for 2 guys to try to maintain a "traditional" relationship of monogamy and happiness. Hell, its hard enough for hetero folk. If 2 fairly stable guys meet and are attracted to each other, and both are interested in having a long term relationship, then things MIGHT work. Otherwise, 99% of the time, the relationship is doomed, it seems. If two guys are needy, untrusting, untrustworthy, unemployed, have an unstable living situations or are otherwise unstable, then the chances are really good that any relationship will end in a bad way.
I'm not advocating "hooking up" but there are some damn good reasons gay guys engage in it. First, we know what both guys want. Second, there is no emotional wreckage for either guy to wade through before or after the sex act takes place. There is no concern beyond the physical. Is is a "moral" way to satisfy our need for physical intimacy? No, probably not. But rather then spend days, months, years trying to make a boyfriend relationship work... and then find out that someone cheated, someone's unhappy, you wasted months or years of your life with this person for nothing, etcetera, etcetera... at least you know where you stand with the other guy. Its about wanting physical intimacy and sexual contact. Period.
Of course, there are many reasons NOT to hookup. It may eventually destroy someone's ability to maintain a long term companion. Although it has occurred to me that most guys who hookup may be ones who don't WANT a long term relationship anyway. Some guys are quite happy being single. Now, as a hookup artist, you can catch all kinds of nifty diseases, even if you are using protection, but perhaps thats better then catching something from your supposedly monogamous boyfriend. If you like to hookup, you can get a reputation as a slut, though as far as I can tell, most gay men just assume every other gay man is/has the potential to be a slut anyway.
I expect to catch some flak for this post, but it just reflects my growing experiences with boyfriends, dating, and casual sex.
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I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
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theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
You're just not meeting the right people.
One of my friends laments never meeting anyone. Hello! Bathhouses and Clubs are not the place to be seeking love and LTR.
Too many people make it hard for themselves to actually meet people. Reading in a coffee shop, headphones, looking down, away, never smilling.
No one enjoys rejection, but you gotta give someone a chance to express interest and get to know you.
And in a pinch, send you best tranny friends to exact revenge on the SOB.
1)Are you out to everyone?
2)Are you employed?
3)Do you have a car?
4)Are you legal in this country ( I live in Miami, FL and this is a big thing here!)
5)How did your last relationship end? Are you still friends with your ex?
6)Sexually, are you a top,bottom or versatile?
7)Any STD or are you HIV+?
8)Any future goals or dreams?
9)What are you really looking for? Long term relationship, fuck buddy, a platonic friend?
He actually uses this and he says it work, his partner and him have been together for over 5 years!
To be frank, I think one CAN make a case for the morality of hookups, provided there's clear communication between all the parties involved and care is taken to preserve the health and safety of all involved.
What pisses me off most about this is my feeling (okay, so this is my personal take and tangent on this subject) that conservative Christian values have so permeated our culture that we take them for granted **and without examination** as to whether or not they are appropriate or realistic for us as individuals or our society as a whole. And then even if we behave responsibly we are made to feel guilty by this conservative undertow because our gay sexuality doesn't quite fit the tyrannical interpretation of "morality" branded into our culture by the religious conservatives.
My "test" includes a variety of questions to gauge how emotional balanced a guy is. I generally know within 10 minutes if there is coffee or a date in the future or head in the other direction.