I didn't grow up in a small town. I don't live in one. My parents did and do.

My elderly Mother talks about her son the cellist, her son the music teacher (me and me), but she rarely speaks of her gay son (also me). I think she fears the same kind of prejudice toward herself for having had a gay child as she fears may be directed toward me. Born-again Christianity is the standard mode of operation in her rural area.

I find that I am very cautious when I go to visit them.

On the other hand...

...some piece of it has to do with my own attitude. If I go out there looking for a fight, I will find it. If I go out there looking for support, I will find that too. When I am in their community and around my relatives I am struck both by breathtaking bigotry and ignorance and total unconditional welcome.

And I think it partly depends on the individual town.

I live in a small town in North Carolina, and I can safely say, I would love to be in Los Angeles! Living in a small town like I do has its advantages, clean air, great cooking,and some of the nicest people you will ever meet as long as they don't find out your gay. I live in what is called the "Bible Belt" there are more baptist in this part of the country than any other religion and most of them will tell you gays will go to hell, and have no problem doing so. Don't get me wrong there are gay clubs and bars in the area but most are in areas considered "The City" and they are alot of fun but nowhere near as entertaining as other areas around the country. I stay here because of my family and my friends, but if it weren't for them I'd be gone in a New York minute.

A small town is tough, real tough, and in a small town when you grow up gay you usually grow up alone. There is not enough of our kind to form any network of friends. I'm 47 and at least in my generation. It was a goal of many straight kids. To rob what ever happy memories they could from a gay kids childhood. Things are actually better now then before. There is alot more laws on the books that are enforced. Anotherwards there is a "price" to pay now for our blood shed. It is a big deterrent, and has helped to improve more tolerance and happily Attitude changes and more acceptence. But there is still a journey ahead here and in many parts of the world for full and equal acceptance.

I think it is much harder being out in a small town I grew up in a small town and you just didn't come out. I moved to the city came out and never returned to the small town life that I grew up in. I guess it depends on what state the small town is in...I remember my family saying what will the neighbors say?" But anyway I think it is much easier living in a city.

I love living in a big city like Toronto, gay friendly for the most part and we have our "village". I have spent time in smaller cities and its not the same feeling and you can't be as open I guess. I would have to say I would be more comfy in a big city then a smaller one, plus for me everyone at work was cool and such, its just more open maybe or they see lots of things as its a big city and not a small town shop that might be homophobic? Who knows...

I suppose one can reach a certain comfort level in a small town. Some guys prefer a small town, particularly if they have a lot of family there and their family is comfortable with them. What I find for myself is that small towns and cities lack any outlet to let a man/woman be among other gay people. And as far as the dating pool, it is normally shallow to non-existent. I can see these factors as being the biggest differences between the city and a small town.

I have lived in small towns as low as pop. of 300 plus raised in one, I have also lived in LA, Houston, and other large cities to me all the same just the size. I never changed the way I act, talk etc. just being myself in all areas and never lied who I was either. I never had a problem from people even been invited to several churches. It was said to me once by a small town person "it does not matter on really who you are as long as you dont flaunt it in peoples face" I have seen it as true where people from large cities move to small towns act as if they are still in the city for ex a drug addict moved one time he got more crap from people than I did. I am openly gay where ever I am and as I say dont start no S*&% there wont be no S*#@$