Gay Men's Challenges Support Group
This community is dedicated to the challenges that gay men face, both between the partners in a relationship and from other influences (family, society, etc.). Find support and talk to others who may be facing the same challenges, and share your experience.
My relationships start fairly well, but within 3 to 4 months I start feeling smothered, where it seems the other person has become entirely emotionally dependent on me.
It seems to be a sudden realization that I have to be available 24/7 for the other person(by phone or in person) and I have become a "husband." I think the real realization of neediness comes when I try to do things with other friends (getting a beer, a cup of coffee, talking on the phone) and it breeds jealousy, suspicion and hurt in the other person.
Usually, by the 6 month mark, I have lost all patience with the other guy, and tell them that we need to do things apart from each other. At that point, I am simply wanting a few evenings to spend by myself or with friends or family without my significant other in tow. But the other person, despite any explanation, automatically takes this request as a act of rejection.
The other guy starts clinging tighter, making the smothering worse. So I simply start taking my space. Accusations fly at that point. Things break down so much between us at that point, so I want to break up. It is not because I don't like the other guy, I am simply seeing far too much of him. I suggest that perhaps still do some things together and see if we can be friends. In varying amounts, there is pleading to be together, depression over losing me and then accusations of me not caring, and/or of cheating or wanting someone else. In the end we can't stand to even think about each other. So any friendship that was part of the relationship is lost too.
It seems anyone who is going to attempt to date me should have an established friends base, a job, hobbies, other activities in their life. Because I'm afraid that after the "honeymoon" period ends, I want to spend time doing things apart, as well as together. And if the other guy doesn't have anyone/ anything else, it smothers me and kills the relationship. Has anyone else ever ran into this problem when dating?
It seems to be a sudden realization that I have to be available 24/7 for the other person(by phone or in person) and I have become a "husband." I think the real realization of neediness comes when I try to do things with other friends (getting a beer, a cup of coffee, talking on the phone) and it breeds jealousy, suspicion and hurt in the other person.
Usually, by the 6 month mark, I have lost all patience with the other guy, and tell them that we need to do things apart from each other. At that point, I am simply wanting a few evenings to spend by myself or with friends or family without my significant other in tow. But the other person, despite any explanation, automatically takes this request as a act of rejection.
The other guy starts clinging tighter, making the smothering worse. So I simply start taking my space. Accusations fly at that point. Things break down so much between us at that point, so I want to break up. It is not because I don't like the other guy, I am simply seeing far too much of him. I suggest that perhaps still do some things together and see if we can be friends. In varying amounts, there is pleading to be together, depression over losing me and then accusations of me not caring, and/or of cheating or wanting someone else. In the end we can't stand to even think about each other. So any friendship that was part of the relationship is lost too.
It seems anyone who is going to attempt to date me should have an established friends base, a job, hobbies, other activities in their life. Because I'm afraid that after the "honeymoon" period ends, I want to spend time doing things apart, as well as together. And if the other guy doesn't have anyone/ anything else, it smothers me and kills the relationship. Has anyone else ever ran into this problem when dating?
-
I have been here before, a long long time ago and now I am back.Forgive me for not just saying what I want to say,even under a triple dose of antidepressants it is still raw and seeping and I am hesitant at revealing it as at least under the bandages around my heart I don,t have to look at how raw and wounded.My child was cleaved from my heart by his own actions. my child of ten,turning eleven...
-
theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??
It's interesting to see who we choose as partners, no?