People look up to me for the most random things like advice and other things but I can never run to people with my advice. Honestly sometimes I hate being gay I really do. I hate always walking around and people staring at me and whispering to other people about me. I hate being called "Fag" and "Queer" although my friends say it in a joking way and people always say well "Why are you friends with that person if they say that"? I say because i am a nice person. I feel like there is nobody out here to help me. I lie to my friends saying my family knows but they don't know about me. I have the most religious family and i doubt they will be okay with me being the way I am thats why i keep it a secrect. I am gay yes, never will change but i am so confused i feel like i am going to hell, i feel like there is no future for me at all. I honestly need help because I have hinted to killing myself several times, i've only tried it twice well 3 times but I just can't keep living a lie my friends know i am gay but i am more worried about my family and i'm the type of person that cares what people think about me ugh i need help because i am seriously on the verge to just end my life and not even worry about the stresses of being 19 and gay. Help?
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