I Have been going through this battle for 3 years of trying to have Gastric Bypass Surgery. I had surgery set up 2 years ago and found out i was pregnant~ HAve a wonderful baby who just turned a year old and love him with allmy heart! So I feel totally ready for surgery know nothing holding me back. So far my biggest fear is i have to go 72 hours on a liquid diet prior to the surgery. For some reason it kind of scares me. I have been folowing a 600 calorie diet by the doctor, 3 meals a day no snacks. At first i was like what okay i can do this! I gave up soda 7 weeks ago although it was diet they said it was no good for you. I feel like why did i let myself get like this really i let food control me. I feel so disgusted with myself. I never felt like the " fat person" unless i would see myself in pictures i think there is no way that can be me. With having 3 kids i feel like its so not fair to have a mother that is so winded by the most little activity. So they have been my biggest inspiration to do this. Most importantly i want to end this visious battle I live being uncomfortable within my own body. I feel like who wants to be aroound a person who is not comfortable with themselves. Then I feel like i kinda feel miserable being around co-workers, family when they can eat whatever they want and not be "morbid obeseity" i know its not there fault i got the way i got to be. i can't help myself to feel jealous seeing them have a normal life and eat normal food and not worry about being fat. Or do they worry and i just don't realize it? I started off in November at 318 ponds went for my 5th weight check for insurance purposes i had gained 11 pounds! Awkward at the surgeons office. he told me i wanted you to lose 10 pounds not gain weight, I was so embarresed with myself i went hard core joined a gym and followed my strict diet so my highest weight was 331, know i weigh 306 i am so proud of myself still dont feel acomplished i know its a little weight loss but should n't i feel proud of that. I feeel like wow i have been starving doing 1 hour work outs and this is it, after speaking with the surgeon again he was like i am proud of you thats great your weight loss! So i did feel a little better. I find myself on the scale all the time checking my weight. He told me that would be like me weighing this chair i am sitting in is it to heavy to light not right, thats like you weighing yourself all the time let me be the one to tell you if your weight is to little to much or just right. I was happy with that coment but i still find myself weighing myself all the time because i am so paranoid that my weight might change and i wont be able to get my surgery. Waiting for the official call that my insurance is approving the surgery all the steps have been done just waiting for that official your all set! They did give me a date but is there a possibilty that it might not be approved ughhh....... that makes me so stressed out! Has anyone else felt this way i am like having normal fears? freaking out!
Posts You May Be Interested In