I never really want to expose this to the group because of the severe shame and the feeling that I'll just be told to "follow the rules and exercise more and drink my fluids". Okay, with that being said, I'm having a severe issue with my compulsive overeating. I can't seem to get a reign of control over it. I saw my surgeon's PA that works with him and she basically had me have a consult with their dietitian to "remind me of the rules" and that did me NO good cuz I KNOW THE RULES. It isn't that I don't know them or understand them, I just can't seem to get myself to stop this compulsive behavior I have. I quit addiction jumping, I was eating well then I started spending, etc. I am getting 8 cups or more of non-calorie fluid in a day, exercise is sporadic and I do know full well I need to do at least a half hour a day, and I know I need to eat my protein first, vegis, then fruit and cut the sweets. Problem is, even knowing it (and I went to school for dietary management and I still got rediculously heavy) doesn't help me. My therapist felt I should go to inpatient eating disorder treatment and was hoping my surgeon's office would see the need, but they didn't. They said to keep working with my therapist (HELLO...my therapist IS NOT trained in treating eating disorders!) and while we do talk about my eating and why I'm doing it, it simply doesn't stop the bahavior long term. I really think I need inpatient treatment or I'll not lose this weight successfully. I have a history with bulimia and that is really jumping my back lately, I'm not doing it, but the urges are just rediculously strong and I want to just cry sitting here writing this. I CAN NOT stand this compulsive behavior and I can't seem to stop it either, and the bariatric surgeon doesn't see the need for inpatient treatment and I just don't know what to do anymore. I dunno what I'm looking for, maybe just some love and support right now cuz I'm feeling so alone in this fight and not being able to beat it, I'm seeing a HUGE person in the mirror right now that can't seem to get the scale moving unless I'm living on liquids alone and I can't do that either. I already know the rules, I know what I need to do. Please, don't come down on me right now (my fear is that anyone in my life, online or in person, will come down hard on me and lecture me about what I need to do when I know full well). I just am looking for some love and support. I don't want to return to my past of laxative abuse...I CAN NOT go back to that and I'm having a super hard time right now battling this. I'm trying SO hard to get this all under control and I'm feeling so hopeless. I do see my therapist Tuesday, I just need a little extra support right now and am hoping someone here will help me through this cuz i'm feeling so badly right now. Thank you for understanding me where I'm at and loving me. I don't know what I'd do without you guys there to help me when I really need it!
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