I'm having issues. I haven't dropped in size at all as of yet. I started at 392 and am down to 342 now. I'm almost 7 weeks out. But that isn't my issue. I'm proud of my weight loss and the health benefits are great. What I'm not handling well is the attention, both from others and from my husband. Others notice and compliment me, yet while it feels great to have others notice my hard work, I get very nervous to have so many people who've known me compliment me. No one has ever really complimented me outside of romantic relations in my life except for the "you have such a pretty face" crap that I couldn't stand pre-op. Now I get compliments on my stomach size, leg size, face, neck, all of it, going down. I notice the physical changes, but kinda just ignore it almost. I mean, I see it, but sorta look past it. It doesn't make a difference to me as far as how I look physically. It does, but doesn't, if that makes sense. I'm proud of the loss, yet it's scaring me. My HUGE issue is with my husband. I talked to him a little about it last night so he'd know right where I am emotionally with this. He will tickle my feet if I'm in bed and he walks by, he'll rub up against me sometimes, he's even said that I was a "hot mama" before and I'm getting back there again (a thing between us when my son was little), he's just more physically attentive. Not sexually yet, which I'm glad for. We haven't had sex in 2 years the end of this coming July. I was in too much pain initially a couple years ago, but also, he physically became unattracted to the physical person I am, though I have always known he loves me. I could see where he was coming from. Anyhow, now I'm in a place where I'm terrified to have sex again cuz it's been so long. It's going to be painful (past experience shows me this), but that isn't the worst worry I have. It's the emotions that are going to hit me. It just scares the heck outta me right now. Last night in bed he rolled into me and put his arm around me (I was laying away from him) and he hasn't done that in YEARS. I think that's intensifying my issues right now. I'm very lonely today. I'm wondering if I don't have deep issues with the longing to have some physical contact with him. Not sexual even, just physical contact in general, yet I'm so terrified of it. I have major issues being touched period, so I know that's part of it. But he's my husband and I love him and I know he loves me yet I am still terrified of being touched in any way by him. I know he won't hurt me. He never has. He's always respected my wishes if I wasn't up for a hug or something and asked him to back off. I'm just really having serious issues with people noticing me now, and with the intimacy with my husband, in any form. I keep looking for my online friends on messenger and no one is here to talk to and I just can't keep this inside anymore. I need to talk about this in therapy and plan to, well, for sure the noticing issue by others, and the part where Carl is a little more affectionate part, but I'm not sure how I'll talk about being sexual with Carl eventually and my fears. My therapist is male and I won't switch from him for anything as he's helped me so much in recovery and coping and has been the best thing as far as my recovery. But I'm stuck. I feel alone, don't understand any of this, and I guess I'm sharing it to get it off me and hoping maybe someone might understand and could help me in how they've coped and pulled through all this.
Posts You May Be Interested In
A friend sent this to me..As far as I can see, grief will never truly end.It may become softer overtime, more gentleand some days will feel sharp.But grief will last as long as Love does - ForeverIt's simply the way the absence of your loved onemanifests in your heart. A deep longing accompaniedby the deepest Love some days. The heavy fog mayreturn and the next day, it may recede.Once again, it's...
Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...