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I am so stressed right now and in a position I don't know what to do... So I thought I would ask for suggestions here... I was living in a cute little cottage with my son and we became really good friends with our neighbors, another single mom, her 8 year old daughter and her 17 year old son. She had a connection to a 3000 square foot house that gave each of us our own bedrooms, there are two living rooms, a pool and a hot tub.. plus a huge yard -- we have a trampoline in and tons more space..in a much more upgraded neighborhood....
Prior to moving in I had this big long roommate agreement (i am a planner) that went through MANY issues and my soon to be roommate went over it and got offended by some of it and as it turned out things went fast and it never got signed.. but we did discuss most of it............I told her my only concern was her 17year old son............
I am a single mom of a 9 year old boy that I adore...and if I do say so myself, I am a pretty darn good mom..........and lucky for my son, his father is a great dad........so we share custody 50%... my biggest concern was the 17 year old due to influence and his friends.....his mom assured me that he is almost never home and when he is, he is in his room.........fast forward to now .. 5 months later and in the last two months I have come home to very perfumy living room (on 3 occassions), hiding the scent of mary jane......., plus I have caught him trying to steal (at a store)- while my son and I were with him (small things........that I made a big deal and turned into a lesson... may have been a mistake, but I couldn't allow my son to think it was a small thing)...............I had no idea this kid was like this prior... bad mom mistake number 1.........but now he has quit school and is home ALL day long doing god knows what... he goes to a charter school 1 day per week and his mom asks nothing of him.........I am SO FRUSTRATED... if he didn't live here life would be GREAT..........I truly enjoy his mom's company and the 8 year old is a joy and my son LOVES playing with her.. she is the sister he never had or wanted, but loves all the same............I still have 7 months left on my lease... but I can't keep this up...........
small side issue is the electric bill.. it jumped from 269 to $419 last month.RIDICULOUS... why the heck should I pay for her son to be home all day using the hot tub and heater and more...........today I woke up and a different teen (boy) walked out of his room, looking really tired, or strung out...........and he walked out the back door and into our garage.. what the heck is that about?...what the hell would he even need to do in there? okay, I am venting too much. but I am justing wishing I had an answer as to what to do. also, this 17 year old is gay (which I have no prob. with) and I don't think it is appropriate for him to have other boys spending the night as he does often.... I am very liberal, although I do not condone teenage sex in the house I live in with my son.
I sent the mom some text messages saying I need to know what to do and explained all that I had observed - this morning he had over 7 friends with out forewarning me.. whcih we all agreed we would if we had a party...........I am thankful my son was not here as they are not influences I would want around him.....anyway, through all my text messages, she did not address the drug issue, or the electric bill, all she addressed was the party he was having......................I even mentioned that if I smell drugs again, I will call police......to which she said nothing... she simply said he knows the boundaries and although he is not happy about them he will follow them.........HE IS A 17 year old, sexually active, drug doing, tennager that is left home alone from7am to 5 pm every single weekday..............
as a single mom, I have to worry about custody issues and the obvious about his surroudnings and safety.........Please share any advice.... I am close to saying - he has to go or we are..................problem is, that would devastate my son as he loves it here and he loves the 8 year old girl...................... I am stuck in a hard place right now....what am I going to do? I was so stressed out today and at one point I realized this is at a time I would have sought out girl scout cookies or any junk and just ate through as much as I could.. on a bright note i went to the gym, library, and ran other errands just to stay away from home................
any advice is welcome...........
Prior to moving in I had this big long roommate agreement (i am a planner) that went through MANY issues and my soon to be roommate went over it and got offended by some of it and as it turned out things went fast and it never got signed.. but we did discuss most of it............I told her my only concern was her 17year old son............
I am a single mom of a 9 year old boy that I adore...and if I do say so myself, I am a pretty darn good mom..........and lucky for my son, his father is a great dad........so we share custody 50%... my biggest concern was the 17 year old due to influence and his friends.....his mom assured me that he is almost never home and when he is, he is in his room.........fast forward to now .. 5 months later and in the last two months I have come home to very perfumy living room (on 3 occassions), hiding the scent of mary jane......., plus I have caught him trying to steal (at a store)- while my son and I were with him (small things........that I made a big deal and turned into a lesson... may have been a mistake, but I couldn't allow my son to think it was a small thing)...............I had no idea this kid was like this prior... bad mom mistake number 1.........but now he has quit school and is home ALL day long doing god knows what... he goes to a charter school 1 day per week and his mom asks nothing of him.........I am SO FRUSTRATED... if he didn't live here life would be GREAT..........I truly enjoy his mom's company and the 8 year old is a joy and my son LOVES playing with her.. she is the sister he never had or wanted, but loves all the same............I still have 7 months left on my lease... but I can't keep this up...........
small side issue is the electric bill.. it jumped from 269 to $419 last month.RIDICULOUS... why the heck should I pay for her son to be home all day using the hot tub and heater and more...........today I woke up and a different teen (boy) walked out of his room, looking really tired, or strung out...........and he walked out the back door and into our garage.. what the heck is that about?...what the hell would he even need to do in there? okay, I am venting too much. but I am justing wishing I had an answer as to what to do. also, this 17 year old is gay (which I have no prob. with) and I don't think it is appropriate for him to have other boys spending the night as he does often.... I am very liberal, although I do not condone teenage sex in the house I live in with my son.
I sent the mom some text messages saying I need to know what to do and explained all that I had observed - this morning he had over 7 friends with out forewarning me.. whcih we all agreed we would if we had a party...........I am thankful my son was not here as they are not influences I would want around him.....anyway, through all my text messages, she did not address the drug issue, or the electric bill, all she addressed was the party he was having......................I even mentioned that if I smell drugs again, I will call police......to which she said nothing... she simply said he knows the boundaries and although he is not happy about them he will follow them.........HE IS A 17 year old, sexually active, drug doing, tennager that is left home alone from7am to 5 pm every single weekday..............
as a single mom, I have to worry about custody issues and the obvious about his surroudnings and safety.........Please share any advice.... I am close to saying - he has to go or we are..................problem is, that would devastate my son as he loves it here and he loves the 8 year old girl...................... I am stuck in a hard place right now....what am I going to do? I was so stressed out today and at one point I realized this is at a time I would have sought out girl scout cookies or any junk and just ate through as much as I could.. on a bright note i went to the gym, library, and ran other errands just to stay away from home................
any advice is welcome...........
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I gave my 2 week notice last Friday 13th. Now to join you fine people in a life of leisure and nothing else to do but to look out for myself....is it just me or does that sound pretty boring? My goal was to live to retire and I guess having to take early retirement because of health reasons wasn't exactly the way I had planned things. I just can't stay in that building that is reeking mildew...
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I'm trying to exercise daily. I was doing fairly well until I sprained my ankle 2 weeks ago but now I'm getting back on the horse. Today I walked over a mile with my arm weights that are about 22lbs total. I was out of shape and it was hard on my arms. I also did my 30 situps. I'm also going to drink a lot of water and try to eat healthy. I do tend to have a sweet tooth but I'm cutting...
Before the breakdown of the relationship occurs, is it possible to sit and meet with the other mom and the 17 year old? You could get a mediator in and generate and agreement from that which both of you can sign. In the event of a breach, then you can formalize action.
It seems to me that most 17 year olds want a reason to be good; maybe he just sees you as unreasonable and doesn't understand why you are concerned. If this is the case, perhaps hearing it from you with his mom in the room will make a difference.
If not, you have given fair warning that you will call the police.
As for the bill, I would document the usage and the time - ask the company to provide a daily bill for one month so you can see in which instances and time frame the usage increases. Documenting that will help you when you request the money. (A request becomes a demand when you write an itemized bill with a due date.)
The unsigned agreement will not be signed, is my guess, and then it just becomes and idea and not an agreement. My best advice would be to sit, talk, bring an outsider whom is skilled in this area, and discuss the points of disagreement and potential future points and jointly generate a document with which you both can thrive.
Sorry you are going through this, it sounds like a lovely house. Not really a home right now though, huh?
Hugs to you.
O
If it's in your name, give her 30 days, change the locks and insist that the son not be in your home alone, and enforce it.
If it's in her name give her 30 days rent and leave asap. If both names, explain the situation to your landlord and move. Away...
I am gay, and I don't mind saying that young gay men grow up fast, and there are frequently drugs and sex involved with boys that have emotional or substance issues.
It is not discriminatory to protect your kid, and gay teens who are sexually active and substance abusing, often end up turning tricks for money. They are statistically more likely to practice unsafe sex, and attract all the wrong kinds of people to your home when you are not there......that's the fact.
This is a serious, immediate situation. Don't threaten this kid or his mom. Pissed off teens, especially a special needs gay kid, will hurt you, and your son... Get out and don't look back!
P.S. There are many wonderful gay and lesbian teens, it is not the orientation, but the obvious lack of parenting and professional help that is a problem here. You can't fix it...
Anyway, I think u r right......I'm exhausted thinking about it.....it will take me at least two months to do this. Financially...I just had seven weeks off so have to wait for disability to pay up......I'm going to talk to her some more and kind of indicate its him or us.....he could go live with his dad..
I am thinking need to get it in writing and send my frustrations along with a copy of the roommate agreement we talked about and send certified to her to give her a chance to get him out so when she doesnt kick him out and tries to take me to court then I at least have that..
A meeting with everything written down is what you should do in the first instance..her son should be present!
I totally understand where you are coming from as far as your own son any decent mother would...we have to protect our own....she will try to protect her own son,you shouldn't expect anything less...
You can resolve this ...I believe you have to tell her all of your feelings..and so long as you let her here your very valid reason's,she should hopefully have a certain amount of compliance...definitely get some rules written down and signed....Her some having none of his friends back is not too much to ask...
Wishing you luck to have an amicable solution to this problem..
Kayla xxx
I know it's not fair, and it sucks, but that my friend, is just the reality of it. What if she said to you...it's you alone here, or you gotta go..no kids...
all I am saying, is that you are not just talking about somebody off the street..this is her kid...gay, jacked up on whatever drug...whatever......he is still her kid...and a kid in crisis....what would you do by your own children here? the question goes both ways...
I am just saying...it may be easier to just move on for yourself...
no matter who is paying what, or when...if it is her house...you will have to make the sacrafices...not her...
how I feel about the subject is irrelevant...the reality of the issue is what is at hand. not how I feel about it...and that is how you should see it also..better to be prepared for what is to come, than to try to wish it into what you want.
her house,
her kid
you are the outsider...not her kid. as bad as it sucks
also elizabeth - it is not her house ... it was her connection and to be perfectly honest, I believe the landlords love me, and their biggest fear in allowing us to move here was her teenager......it was me that explained we had discussed the teen at lenght (and we had) and now she just isn't keeping up with what was promised.
After reading all the responses, I think what I am going to do is go buy a lock for my door so an unattended teen has no access to my room while I am not home(especially when he is likely to be upset with me right now.)
and I will talk to her some more about it -- in person...and give it the two months it will take me to save the money to move and still have a cushion in my account. On March 1st if things have progressed in a bad way then I will give my notice and discuss with the landlords.
I am also going to look into motion sensored video cameras (spying devices) just to get an idea of what he is doing all day.......I will only put them in my spaces in the house.... maybe this will comfort me and maybe it will scare me to death.......if the tapes are scary then I have evidence of the stuff going on.....
I really wish we had only signed a 6 month lease.... I really do............maybe she will have been with her boyfriend long enough that he would want to move in - in April...........time will tell..
Thinking of you...
Kayla x
FYI this is already over all you have to do is end it!
Lu
Where does he get money? If I were you, I would put a lock on your valuable belongings. I wouldn't put it past him to steal from you or your son.
Honestly, I would try to move. This sounds like a bad situation and it doesn't seem like the other mom is willing to do anything about it.
You might also want to call your local Department of Social Services and ask to consult with someone. Tell them what's going on with this kid, etc.. He is still a minor. They usually are very helpful.
Best of luck to you. I know this must be tough to handle.