I'm having a serious issue and any input is appreciated. I am having issues with my food. My latest journal entry will detail it. I have a history of eating disorders. All across the board. I was anorexic for a short while. I was bulimic even longer. I was a compulsive/binge eater even longer yet. After surgery, up until this past Sunday, I was doing real well with it all...finally. I was so happy. I was relieved of all the obsessions. So on Sunday my mom and dad celebrated Christmas with us. I noticed I'd eaten too much but kinda wrote it off cuz I don't normally do that. Then Monday I did it again. Then yesterday I got into this grazing, only I caught it and stopped it in it's tracks right fast. I refuse to fall into the bad habits. I can't afford to do it or I'll physically die. My body won't handle the weight it's got anymore. I'm not stupid. I didn't need a stinking doctor to tell me I'd die in a year or two from my weight. The surgery was my last stop before death basically, and I'm so determined to make it work and I'm really trying to follow my doctor's recommendations and his program for recovery and so far it's worked. But now I'm noticing my mindset to flip. I don't like it. I'm getting into obsessing on calories and fat in anything I eat, even a stick of string cheese. Fat free string cheese and I'm obsessed with the calories over it. I mean, good heavens. I don't know if any of you have a similar history and have dealt with this post-op and come out the other side, but if you have, or deal with it sometimes and have some ideas on how to handle this, I'd more then appreciate some ideas. I'm lost. I feel like I'm locked in a cage and I can't get out, when I'm not locked in yet in reality cuz I have refused to allow myself to fully resort to my old ways of anorexia. I just see the mindset that I used to have creeping back in and I know I need to nix it fast and since my therapist is out sick today and they had to cancel me, they've got me on the cancellation list for tomorrow and Friday in case something opens up so I can get in ASAP and process and problem solve this issue. But until then, I feel lost and trapped. I know I'm not alone. I briefly got to chat with a friend who has eating disorders as well. She's not a gastric bypass patient, but she understands the mindset, so I was trying to work myself through this with her. But she didn't have a lot to time to help me figure this out. And I don't expect anyone to take the place of my therapist, but I'm lost right now as to how to handle this cuz I haven't fought the anorexic tennancies in YEARS! I got past that a long long time ago and now it's scaring me. I'm so scared and lost now. I don't know how this happened. I don't know how it crept back in. Anyhow, any ideas anyone has would be more then appreciated.
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