Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group

Gastric bypass (GBP) is any of a group of similar operative procedures used to treat morbid obesity, a condition which arises from severe accumulation of excess weight in the form of fatty tissue, and the health problems ("co-morbidities") which result. If you are considering gastric bypass or have had it, join the community where we share our experiences and find support.

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/ Gastric Bypass Surgery Support Group

Do you have privacy?

gsueaglegirl
gsueaglegirl
I found out that my husband figured out my password, and he logged on and read my journal entries and emails.

I am furious!!! He said he did it because he wants to learn. I told him to read the books I bought pre-op and to ask me if he has questions. But he's never done that. He went to two support groups with me (one pre-op and one post-op), but he hasn't done that since November.

It's bad enough that I feel like I am in a fish bowl all the time because people are always asking what I weigh or what size I am now. People are fascinated by how little I eat too. So I have to deal with all that crap, and NOW I have this to deal with too!

I've changed all my passwords, and I feel so violated. I have a right to privacy. This is one of my support groups, and I get support here that I can't get from him because he's never been through the surgery. Plus, sometimes I need to vent in my journal or emails and not have to worry about him reading it.

I hate that I can't trust him. Like I don't have enough to deal with right now.

Any ideas on dealing with this?
deleted_user
deleted_user
You have a perfect right to be furious! I would be, and for a long time. He ruined your trust in him, and believe me, the man is trying to cover himself when he says he did it to learn.

I would have to consider counseling after a betrayal like this. He hasn't been supportive to begin with, and then to sneak like this makes me suspect he thinks you are doing something wrong and trying to catch you at it. What an insecure baby.

But I am so sorry this happened to you and that you feel so bad right now. Hang in there girl, it will get better. The Lord doesn't give us anymore than we can handle.


Teri
deleted_user
deleted_user
Maybe with all the weight you are losing now, and feeling better about yourself. He might be feeling insecure about himself. The roles are changing for both of you now. This was not right for him to invade your privacy. He should sit down and talk with you about if he has any concerns or fears or his insecurity. I am sorry that this happen to you. I hope everything works out for you two.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry this happened to you! What a complete violation of trust - and a load of bull that he "wanted to learn". Good for you for calling him on the carpet for that load of crap! I agree it sounds like he's dealing with a lot of insecurity right now. A very serious talk is in order, and counseling doesn't sound like a bad idea. If he really wants to learn he should indeed be attending your support groups with you.
Lori42
Lori42
I'm sorry also. I think the idea that he might be insecure and feeling jealous might be right on the money. I don't really know, if I asked my husband not to look at something he respects me enough not to. He's very trusting, but some men just can't or won't let their wives have a private life, even a totally innocent one. I find it pretty imature. You need to sit him down and talk it out and tell him how it made you feel. Maybe it will get through. Good luck and You have done a FANTASTIC JOB!!
gsueaglegirl
gsueaglegirl
Thank you all for your support. It's taking everything I've got to keep from calling him names everytime I have to talk to him, and I slipped a few times and did call him a few names. LOL

I talked to my counselor about it yesterday. I have a support group meeting next week, and I am going to dare my husband to go to it.

I think he is feeling really insecure. He called me at home yesterday, and I set the phone down for a minute. When I picked it back up, he asked me who was over there because he heard a male voice in the background. I was in the living room watching The Shawshank Redemption on TV. It was Morgan Freeman's voice. I already have my husband to deal with. There's no way I have any patience to deal with another man too.

I think it's time to haul him in to marriage counseling.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm not you but It sounds like he is insecure. I show my husband people and tell him their story. That way he doesn't feel like he's being left out. This will keep him happy and might even support you better.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm curious...does he also have weight issues? Trying VERY HARD to give him the benefit of the doubt...maybe he is thinking of having surgery too? My husband went with me to every support group, every doctor's appt., EVERYTHING! And, after 1 1/2 years of watching me, he decided to have it too. This from a man, who announced when I decided to have surgery, "Don't EVER expect me to do THAT!" I told him I don't expect it...I'm doing it for me!
deleted_user
deleted_user
He is definately insecure. I did that one time to my husband becasue I thought he was cheating on me, but later regretted it. It is definately not ok to look at other peoples private things. EVER. I did it because I was insecure. You are handling it very well. He is the one that probably needs counceling, however.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with everyone else- I think he is insecure. My husband was (at least I think) however would have never gone to that extreme. Hang in there. Dont hold back, if you plan to forgive, you really need to forgive.
deleted_user
deleted_user
In agreement here, sounds like a little insecurity.
My husband knows all of my passwords and stuff, but he doesn't get on my accounts. I think it is because I tell him about conversations, disscussions, some emails....just different things. He knows I have nothing to hide from him, so he doesn't even bother. Now, with as much time as I spend on the computer, I think if I didn't tell him anything about what I was doing or talking about, he would probably look. Either that or I just got a good one LOL
Marriage counceling never hurt anyone....sounds like you guys might try a round of it.
Nicole
deleted_user
deleted_user
You definitley have the right to be furious, but have you sat down with him and explained why you feel so violated? If you can't trust him your marriage will suffer. Trust is the foundation of all relationships.
Dawn
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