I must have the surgery or die. 2008 saw me in the hospital 4 times. I am disabled, on oxygen, on crutches, and although no longer totally homebound, I can't do the things I want to. I have lost 130 lbs. down from 639 to 509. This was just so I could have the surgery. I had and still have so many health issues that this is the only way. Now you wonder how I got into this mess. Well, I love food, good food. Have all my life. And its not like I didn't know what I was doing to myself, after all I am a registered nurse. None of what I knew mattered when it came to eating. I have never binged, and never in my life went to a resturant and ate 4 hamburgers, but the weight just kept piling on. Obesity is in the family. Not an excuse, just fact. I would have had the surgery years ago had it not been for being a home health nurse. I saw all the gastric bypasses gone wrong. I was absolutely terrified of it. Still am to a certain degree. My surgeon has had a real challenge with me, he did two surgeries on me in August, emergencies, and pulled me through those. I trust him completely but.....the closer I get to surgery date...March 2...the more anxious I become. I can't get the thought out of my head that I am mutilating myself. Isn't that a weird thought. I mean, really, here I have distorded my body with all this fat, and I am worried about rearrainging my insides, which I can't see. Now ya'll here's my burning question. Does your insides feel different. I mean other than feeling full very quickly. Do you feel different inside? I would also love to talk with anyone who was over 500. Thank you all so much, and if you can think of it say a prayer for me on March 2. I have started HMR shakes today for 13 days then clear liquids on day before. A prayer to get through that would be appreciated also.
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