I accidentally put the foot rest down on my kitten, well, Ethan's kitten, and it killed her cuz I didn't notice it. Because of my dilitation, I can't even have the cheeseburger I want to eat to comfort myself (bad behavior anyhow) so I heated up my supper (it's supper time anyhow and soup is it until Tuesday) but I feel so sad right now for doing what I did and I'm busy blaming it on my weight, but Carl said the way the chair went down she would have died anyhow and it was an instant death. Well, okay, he knows me and knows that killing a cat of any kind, any animal, traumatizes me in a very bad way. I'm still ready to break down (did once already) and I wanna curl up in bed and forget this happened and I can't. Ethan was okay with it, understood it was an accident, wasn't mad at me, didn't cry, and here I sit blaming myself. I feel so sad. The mama cat knows. She was trying to comfort me when I was melting down and falling apart. Sorry to post this, it probably doesn't really matter to anyone but me, but I guess I don't know where to turn and I need to fight to stay on these liquids for the full five days they tell me to so my pouch can heal and recover from the dilitation and stitch removal (I had another one in the way) and I guess I just needed some place safe to turn to where people understand when bad things happen and the urge to eat comes up and you just need to find people who "get you". Sorry to be such a glum thing. :(
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