I just read a post about "Friday night Fever". I can easily go back to that anxiety as I just had a relapse. I had every reason in the world to not gamble with my bill money as I am now a mother...and yet that same old "excitement" still comes about a week before any money is due. I tell myself I will feel better once I have money. And I do...but then I go spend it and feel bad. So what is my itch for if not the money? I win but then sit there until I lose so obviously it isnt about the money. I sometimes think the itch is still about self sabotage. I will be doing well and feeling much better for weeks,days, even months- then I relapse and feel horrible. Maybe feeling good does feel bad and vice versa. But I still have hope that I can and will quit. Thank God for all the help we have out there. I wouldnt be here without it.
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