A gamblers urge doesn't go away when you are active in gambling. It is like any addiction or habit the more we feed it, the more it wants to be fed. Like any habit though, it can be changed. You can live a life free of gambling but you will need to do this every day and make it your choice for that day. Every day you are GF you are free and a winner. It is so good that you want to take charge of your life, and you can. You will find others here supportive and encouraging. I wis you the best!

I can so relate to your story, I have never been so careless and unthoughtful in my life except when I gambled. I have put my whole family in financial danger and feel horrible every waking moment, which is most of the time since I can't sleep with all of this on my mind. I to live in a rural area but drive 45minutes to the GA meeting, tonight will be my 3rd meeting. You are not alone, I was very surprised at how many people have the exact same story. Please hang in there, I know i'm trying to also. I joined here last week and it is comforting to here the support.

this addiction will turn an otherwise, responsible person into the most seemingly irresponsible person. it's like I have said before, its like the demons have us programmed to act on remote control and they are the ones making the "programming and channel selections".
I own my own business as well, and found that when the going got tough, or the stresses got too much, I got going right to the casino! Just like the alcoholic that drinks to escape life and its challenges, the problems were always there when they sobered up, just bigger and more out of control due to lack of attention. The things in life that we used to take for granted, were all but wiped from the slate, due to neglect. As someone in the active process of this addiction, our thoughts are consumed with our next "fix", and by the same token, the demons are always clammoring for us to 'feed' their hunger, didn't matter where the money came from, as long as we 'fed' them. When you cut off their food supply, the being to tug and pull and scream, bite and kick, but we have to defend ourselves, take the batteries out of the remote, and take back our lives. Get back to living life on life's terms. Nothing is so bad that gambling won't make it worse, just like the alcoholic.....nothing is so bad that drinking won't make it worse for them. Going into the 'dungeons of doom', there was money in our pockets, and we left broke, and then some, broken. Had it not been for that very first push of the button, we wouldn't be broke, or broken. Its not that last bet that leaves us broke, its the first.
We have to make a consious decision to quit, and a consious committment to stay quit. We are all here fighting this same battle to win the war against this horrid addiction. We fight this fight, one day at a time, and we do it together.
hugs and love
Danya

I feel your pain. I live in Las Vegas so you can imagine how hard it is for me with machines everywhere I go. But I believe we all know what we have to do, deep down inside. So, just this morning I did what I had to do and told my boy friend what I've been up to with his money. This isn't the first time. I'm so afraid he will want to end our relationship, but that feels better then living a lie. I don't know why I did this to us? I really love him with all my heart. He's so mad at me right now he can't even look at me. I want to feel sorry for myself...I know it won't help. I wish I could blame my boy friend, believe me I've tried. It's not his fault! I know I should go to a GA meeting but I'm having trouble just leaving the house. And I know this sounds stupid but I know my boy friend wouldn't want me to do that. He didn't like it when I went before. And in some ways I agree with him that going to the meetings is just a way to replace the gambling addiction, I was never comfortable there. Thanks for listening to my story...