in a recent reply to a post I wrote that I was afraid of recovery. That I was afraid of failing at it.
This is going back a long time ago, and thinking about it now it probably was the actual beginning of recovery for me, even though I was fighting it tooth and nail. At GA meetings I couldn’t imagine how some of these members could be so content in their lives, maybe I was even a little jealous, I know I was pretty miserable. And then there were members who were struggling, homeless even, that was hard for me to cope with, I wanted to help everyone, but giving a homeless addict some money isn’t helping them, I know this now. Still I’m a sucker for a sob story. They’re stress was emotionally difficult for me to deal with.
When members talked about their recoveries I couldn’t relate on a spiritual level whatsoever. I thought they wanted me to be saved, like a religious kind of saved. I thought they wanted to try to make me normal, I cringed at the idea that I was ever normal in the first place. I didn’t get it.
I’m starting to “get it” now. Recovery doesn’t change who you are, only you can do that yourself. Recovery is actually being open to change. Recovery is recognizing we all need each other. Recovery is forgiveness. Recovery is a genuine belly laugh at times!
Never give up on yourselves. Never. Recovery will come in bits and pieces, you’ll for sure know you feel it when you do. It’s loving yourself again, or in some cases, maybe for the first time.
And I never want to forget that abstinence from gambling is how my journey to recovery began. One day at a time.
I've been in recovery for about 5 1/2 months now. That 6 month key-chain is right around the corner at GA which I'm excited about.Throughout my recovery my wife has been tremendously supportive. However, I have not (and don't plan to) open up about my struggles with friends or family (another topic for another day). But because of this, it's important to utilize the tools and resources that are...
Well I did it again...gambled away every last cent. Disgusted with myself...praying this time I have the strength to be done for good. So my apology is that I plan to post a single phrase every day...starting today...and that is TODAY I WILL NOT GAMBLE. That’s gotta be my first and foremost thought every day. So if you see these repeated posts from me, I’m sorry if they annoy you but please...