in a recent reply to a post I wrote that I was afraid of recovery. That I was afraid of failing at it.
This is going back a long time ago, and thinking about it now it probably was the actual beginning of recovery for me, even though I was fighting it tooth and nail. At GA meetings I couldn’t imagine how some of these members could be so content in their lives, maybe I was even a little jealous, I know I was pretty miserable. And then there were members who were struggling, homeless even, that was hard for me to cope with, I wanted to help everyone, but giving a homeless addict some money isn’t helping them, I know this now. Still I’m a sucker for a sob story. They’re stress was emotionally difficult for me to deal with.
When members talked about their recoveries I couldn’t relate on a spiritual level whatsoever. I thought they wanted me to be saved, like a religious kind of saved. I thought they wanted to try to make me normal, I cringed at the idea that I was ever normal in the first place. I didn’t get it.
I’m starting to “get it” now. Recovery doesn’t change who you are, only you can do that yourself. Recovery is actually being open to change. Recovery is recognizing we all need each other. Recovery is forgiveness. Recovery is a genuine belly laugh at times!
Never give up on yourselves. Never. Recovery will come in bits and pieces, you’ll for sure know you feel it when you do. It’s loving yourself again, or in some cases, maybe for the first time.
And I never want to forget that abstinence from gambling is how my journey to recovery began. One day at a time.
I’m new here. I could use some friends. I’m making a mess of my life. I want to stop gambling. I feel so desperate. I almost wish this sick feeling of guilt would last all the time because it seems to be the only time I’m confident I won’t gamble that day.
I have been trying to get on a good streak of recovery for a while. Years. Done 40 days without shoplifting. I drink too much some weeks too. I might hit 30 units a week.My psychiatrst/Doctor have given me two pieces of advice.One tell my wife Im still shopliftingTwo-give up the boozeI have diasgreed with both pieces for various reasons. If I told my wife -she would lie awake at night. I dont...