I lied because I was afraid to tell the truth for the consequences they held..I lied to my girlfriend about money I had taken out of our wedding account that we were both putting monies into for the wedding..I was afraid she would leave me if I told her the truth that I had gambled..I was upfront with her when we started dating about my gambling addiction and went to counseling..I did..but had relapses while we were dating...She did break it off over this but interesting what she said to me and hope it helps..Terry I could of dealt with the relapse(gambling) but you say I am your best friend and that you love me but yet you cannot confide in me and tell me the truth..I do not see our realtionship going forwards but backwards...I cannot accept the lies and deceipt..it is not condusive to trust and love...I hope you get help...so that was it on 3/28/08 almost a year now..we e-mail but not that frequent and not at all about our relationship..I lost the most beatiful, loving, inteligent and wonderful love of my life..My fault and gambling..It is based on lies..That we are going to win and everything will be alright..at what cost..to lose your love and friendship...tell him or have him read my words..it is not for a second to have this woman even question her love and trust for you..It is the most valuable thing you will ever have..it will warm you on cold nights..keep you from loneliness for so much of you days..laughter..a love to cherish..vs some well lit room with starngers who just want your money and when its gone thats it...Tell this woman the truth..confess your sin and it will set you free..yes there will be consequences and yes she might withderaw..But if she comes back you know what an incredible gift in this woman you have and you will smile and be on your way to being a better man and husband..I wish you both the best..I have been through the pain of a loss like I hope he never experiences.And if these word help than in some small way it was worth it...I will keep you in my prayers..Get to a GA meetin..A counselor..A Pastor..Talk to somebody..Write everything down on legal pad so your thoughts are staright and give it to her but most of all accept that you made a serious mistake and let her see and feel it..Most of all tell her you lover her and let her see and hear it your voice and eyes and if you cry so be it..does not make yu less of a man but just human and frail like the rest of us..Hi and my name is Terry K and I am a compulsive gambler and I will not gamble today and never lie to a woman or anybody again..God bless us all..

It is very difficult for me. My husband and I have had almost 25 years together and I now feel like I am married to another person. A person who sometimes I really can't stand. I guess I handle the lying by protecting myself and our money the best I can and really just being extremely cautious of anything he tells me. He is a very good liar and so I catch myself actually believing him at times, only to find out that it was a lie. I still can't believe our marriage has come down to this. It's very sad. I hope someone else has a better answer for you. Missy.

I can tell you that I hid all my gambling from my wife. I can tell you she could have done absolutely nothing to stop me from gambling. It was me that decided I had had enough.

Hi GAwife, I found I had two ways to handle CG husband's lies...

1) accept the lies and continue the downward spiral with him and become emotionaly and mentally unstable in the process.

2) come to terms that I cannot change husband, I cannot fix him, I cannot control him. But rather I must do what I need to do to ensure finanical security and stability (mentally, emontionally) for myself and our son (who is disabled and needs a supportive family who is able to devote time, money, and a stable environment to him for many, many years to come).

I realized I have a choice. I choose not to travel the downward spiral with husband. He can do that by himself. Should he ever reach the bottom (and I pray he does)... the same God who helped husband 23 years ago out of the gambling pit can help him again.

But husband has to make the choice by HIMSELF... I cannot help him. I can only help me.

Many choices in life are very tough. Love does not always mean you 'have' to hang on and get pulvarized in the process, sometimes it requires you to let go.

As Eastewester said, "you have to do what is best for YOU." Your husband will not do what is best for YOU... he is an addict and as an ex-drug addict for 16 years, I can vouch that an addict will ALWAYS do what is best for themself.

I am glad you found this site. There are many people here who care, who are walking in your shoes, and have walked in the shoes of your husband. Best of the day to you... I look forward to hearing more from you.

Today I have a choice deb.

How do I handle the lies or rather...avoiding the truth?

I waver back and forth between praying about it and asking the Lord to keep me strong, , help me find the right words if I have to confront him, and basically give me courage when I fear he's slipped again....to neurotically waking in the middle of the night to search pockets, hiding places, wallets, internet history and/or grieving to myself about feeling unprotected and alone.

All I can do is monitor my finances, pray for him and pray for myself, and try to encourage him when he does things that put us first...like therapy and being totally transparent about his spending.

I try to remind myself too....that this is the Enemy at work in his life. This is not my husband. I direct my anger at the casino ads, the lottery promotions, and the people who try to entice others to ruin. If a tornado blew the place into bits....I wouldn't share a single tear.

Don't let the lies grind you down.....try to remember the things that your husband does right. I know it's hard at first, but forgiveness helps you heal...but it should be coupled with some sort of restitution or insurance of future accountability. Forgivenss...especially in the face of repeated lies...needs to be earned, in my mind.

Hang in there...remember being joyful and hopeful is a choice you have to make. If you let your life be weighed down in misery...the Enemy wins!!! I may have to lose unconditional trust with my husband, but I won't give up on unconditional love and joy.

Bless you and know that I'm out there fighting along with you.

Canterville

Although I am a Compulsive gambler, I did support someone in AA back years ago. So I have been on both sides of the fence. Don't try to figure out how to deal with the lies, and don't let him think he has gotten away with the lies, allowing them to be covered up is just fueling him as an addict. You get caught up in the enable game. He is sick and he will make you sick also. Spouses go through pain also. That is why there are groups like Alanon and Gamanon. You may find relief in going to either, I would suggest Gamanon if there is one in your area, if not try a alanon meeting. You look after YOU!, He has to look after himself. It is hard and painful when you love someone and know there is nothing you can do to help them. Hugsssssssssssssss

Sorry!That didn't come out right :)
I meant don't tear yourself up trying to deal with the lies, let him know you know they are lies.

"How do you deal with the lies they tell you? How do you handle it?"

After being a praying, concerned, supportive wife for ten years of a compulsive gambler, I'd like to say something about lies.

Lies comes with the CG territory. Just like in the move Pirates of the Carribean - the girl said to Captain Jack Sparrow, 'you lied." Captain Jack's only reply was 'pirate.'

Same with a CG.... A CG does NOT CARE what you think about the lies they tell you. They will lie in order to continue with their gambling.

They know you cannot do ONE THING about it. Whatever they did, is DONE.

My CG spouse stopped paying our homeowners insurance. (I had no idea until recently.)

He stopped paying on his life policy (which he had paid into for 7 years - thousands of dollars). (Again did not know until a couple of months ago.)

He has gotten it where the only thing he pays around the house is the light bill and 'when he can' he will pay toward the current mortgage.

All the while he is sitting there playing online poker. He just does not care.

Poker is his focus, his priority, and what he wants.

My husband has put me and our disabled son in such a vulnerable position. It will take me 10 years to re-build.

I had expected to be debt free next year (I mean house, cars, everything!). Not now.

If you are going to remain with your spouse, all you can do is lock down your finances so he cannot get to them.

1. You have to get a post office box so the mail will come to you and cannot be intercepted by spouse.

2. You have to have a separate bank account, which you control so you can ensure the bills are paid and savings can be squirred away.

3. You have to have some type of credit lock applied to YOUR credit.

4. You need to check into your State's laws about filing a petition to have your debts legaly separated so you are not obligated for debts encurred by your CG spouse.

5. Attending GamAnon or Alanon meetings are really needed (support for you so you know you are not alone).

6. Reading books on Co-dependency were a real eye opener to me.

7. Calling and talking to GamAnon support teams (they are available 24x7)... Just Google GamAnon and you fill find their web site and toll free number.

Please know you are not in this alone. There are many many spouse out here just like you.

The first step for me was to get my head out of the sand, face the truth that I was up against a very serious situation and it was my responsibility to my son (and me) to do what was right for me and my son.

All addicts are survivors, I can say that because I was a drug addict for 16 years.

An addict will make a way to get what they want when they want it at the cost of everything (human relations, physical possession, it does not matter). And they will say anything to make it happen or to cover it up.

Focus on you, get you healthy (co-dependent books and face to face support groups help with this) and then you will be in a better frame of mind to know how to deal with and handle the lies of a CG.

We are here for you always. Today I have a choice deb.