Hello, I decided to start this discussion to see if there is anyone out there with a similar compulsive gambling problem like I am experiencing at the present. I'll try to outline my situation in as little time as possible without going into detail too much: I started gambling as a young boy pitching pennies, dimes, quarters, silver dollars, and up and up, and so on..... Then poker with family whenever possible, the excitement was tremendous, then when I turned 21, casinos HERE I COME!!! This is when It really started to escalate, I read many books on blackjack, became a real pro, I knew all of the percentages, could legally count cards, ect. I won a lot of money and continued to bet more and more as time went by till eventually one day I got cleaned out in a couple of hours, I maxed out all of my cards and spent all of my cash, leaving me to scrounge up spare change to pay for gas. This I believe was "rock bottom" for me, I started to attend GA, I did for maybe 6 or 7 months, then I began to feel better and right back to the casinos I was, trying to beat the addiction that I knew I had, but every time I said I would only bet small, I eventually would end up betting bigger and bigger until I lost all of my money and would be miserable for a long time, then back again, and back again. Eventually I divorced (not totally related to my gambling but I'm sure it played a part in it). This was in 2001, right around when the internet bubble popped if anyone is familiar with that. It was when all of the dot com company stocks went from $0 / share to $100's / share very quick then right back down to $1 or two dollars, making many people very rich on paper then very poor since they started to borrow money to make more money, this in turn ended up being a disaster for a lot of people since when they borrowed and lost, they lost more then they had and owed the brokerage companies. Anyway, I have been trading stocks over the internet since then, bigger and bigger and now on borrowed money, I know I have a problem but I cant stop, I also can't seem to find anyone who can relate to my "stock market" gambling, everyone seems to play slots, bingo, horses, casinos, ECT. I know it is all the same to some degree, but I would love to have some discussion with someone that has the basic same problem I have. I have repeated trying to stop but I can't seem to stop, I have access to the internet and money, and I do know what I must do to put up road blocks, but every time I do, its just a short time until I begin to feel a bit better and there I am back to the same old thing, bigger and more intense then before. Its all I think about, I know it has affected my job, social life, personality, my health, ECT. But its all I want to do. G.A. members tell me tings I think I already know "you got to come to the meetings" which I don't. The book says the only requirement for membership is: a desire to stop gambling" the sad part is, I don't have that desire, and I know the only way I will get it is when I'm broke which I do not want to do, I really need help. I hope there is someone out there that can relate to this, this constant "feeling good one day then terrible the next is killing me and I believe making me numb". I know my future can be good, if I could only quit. Please respond if you can relate. Thank You.
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