i have been in care for just over a year and apart form 10days respite have always been wityh the same carers. things have always been good and they halped me tremendously through my slef harm and overdoses and they have always been there for me whenever i needed to talk...but over the christmas holidays i have been finding my anger harder and harder to contain and as it was christmas along with various other things it meant i hadnt seen my therpist for 5weeks which made things so much worse...as a result there has been a few angry words over the xmas hols to the exstent that i am now petrified of losing my carers. yesterday was the first time i saw ma therpist since xmas but i spent the whole gour talkin to her about how to make things better with my carers and one off the things she suggested was to start talking to them about how i feel instead of getting angry about EVWERYTHING. so last night i came back and asked to talk about a particually upsettin incident that has happpened with my mother the same day...and there responce was not now later...only later never cane and they never lket me talk to them. today i have come back from college and we have had what i would call a 'mini argument' about me askin 4 help they said they were pissed off with me 4 askin for help after i had seen my therapist and i shouldnt need to talk to them and that i am obviously wasting my time with my therpist as i am not talkin about the things i need to (if only they knew the whole hour was about makin thing better with them) and now i dont know what to do...i need to cut myself...i havn't cut in 6months and the whole reason for stoppin wqas because i was scared it was going to cause my to lose my carers but now it feels like i have already lost them so why should i bother anymore. i need to talk to somebody but i am scared to ask my carers incase i just piss them off again and make things worse...i am never going to talk to them again if that is what they want! i dont care what bottleing everything up does to me...my carers mean the world to me and i cant bare to lose them..but i have just fucked everything up with my anger as usual and now i dont know how to make it better! HELP!
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