Struggling with the idea of burying my son's
Iâm really struggling with something and hope that some of you who have had the same experience can share your thoughts and guidance with me. When my son, Nigel, passed away unexpectedly in January 2009, we had him cremated and his ashes are now resting in a beautiful urn in my living room. (I also have a small urn, by my bed, and a necklace that I always wear with his ashes inside.) My parents, who are still living, already have their family plot with the family headstone. We decided to have Nigel interned there. (He was very close to his grandparents.) I purchased a stone marker to place on his grave. Because of the dreary, grey weather that we now have in Vermont, I decided to have the internment next springâ¦when it will be warmer and sunnier. This past week, I went with my parents to see Nigelâs marker which has been put in place. I totally broke down. It looked so lonelyâ¦even though there were other graves all around. My struggle is that I donât want to intern his ashes anymore. I want him to stay in my home and be present in my daily life and when family and friends come over. The cemetery seems such a cold and lonely place to leave him when he can be around âlifeâ. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I being selfish?
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