I lost my son on May 17, 2008, just a few days after my birthday and Mother's Day and he was buried the day before his stepfather's birthday. They were very close as his stepdad raised him fo 20 years. He was 25 years old and died in a single car accident. I can't say enough about texting and driving. He had just dropped his girlfriend off at her house and was heading home and was texting her and lost control of the car. I don't know why that night he did not have his seatbelt on as he normally wore it. They say that he broke his neck upon being ejected from the car. I find some comfort in that as the accident happened at 11:28 at night and he was not found until 7:30 the next morning. I had just told him the Sunday before the accident to be careful that I just had a funny feeling that something bad was going to happen. He just smiled down at me (he stood 6 ft 4 with big brown eyes) and told me that he was going to be alright, that he would never leave me. He was a good boy, not saying that he didn't have his troubles, but he loved me and I loved him with all my heart. He would call me everyday he said just to hear my voice and to tell me he loved me. He called everyday and even though he didn't live at home he stopped by every morning to take a shower and eat before he went to work. He would stop by after work as well to shower and change and grab dinner. He said that no one washed and made his clothes smell as good as I could. And besides he had to stop by and see his stepdad and me. He was fun and loved his family. He just adored his neice and nephew and even though he didn't say it he loved his sister. The day before the accident he stopped by my work and he looked so happy. I even said something about it and he told me that he is very happy and that it has been the happiest that he has been in a long time. He was getting everything on track and just starting to get ahead. The moring of the accident he stopped by as he did everyday, played with the dog, talked to his sister, it was like everyone in his life he saw that morning. The night of the accident we had gone to bed and the alarm in the store by us went off. It was so loud and we had never heard it go off before, I jumped out of bed and looked at the clock and it said 11:28 pm. My husband says that that was my Brett calling my name. I am finding that as time goes on the pain is hurting more and family and friends seem to be pulling away. I can't seem to have anyone know the pain I am feeling or to understand it. I constantly hear that I can't just give up. I'm not giving up but I just need someone to understand my feelings. I go to work, come home, cook dinner and try to function like everyone wants me to. but inside I am dying. I visit my sons grave everyday and find myself yelling at him, crying, being angry, mad all at the same time. Then I just want to hold him and tell him how much I love him. I think about the future and wonder what type of girl he would have as a wife and how his kids would have looked. I don't understand why this has happened and I know that my ife will never be the same and that the pain will never go away. I know also that I have to find a way to cope and am looking for a support group in our area. I miss my son so much and can't wait for the day I see him again. I miss him saying--Love ya mama. I know he is with God and I love you Brett.
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