welcome doc... i hope you find the freedom you desire. just don't forget that there are times when you will be stronger than others, we just have to stay focused and never give up.

take care.

first off, congratulations for coming here and admitting that your addiction to porn and orgasm are taking control of your life. My first suggestion is find a therapist you are comfortable with. second, start to explore how you feel in those hours when you are alone and wanting to use online. also pick up some books on porn and sex addition. Patrick Carnes is the main author most folks read here. There are feelings and anxieties buried in you consciousness that are making you restless, uneasy and uncomfortable and you are running away from they everytime you use porn. The more you can explore how you are feeling the more you'll understand your emotions and from there you can start to change your behaviour. Welcome aboard!

Welcome! You're among friends.

One thing that helped me is to understand the underlying need your filling. For example, something called BLAHST has helped me. They are typical triggers for sexual addiction: Bored, Lonely, Angry, Hungry, Sad, or Tired. See if there's a pattern to the addiction. When you start feeling the need to go online - try to stop yourself to identify the feeling.

Even if you slip, go back and think about the feeling that got you there. That way you can create some relapse prevention for the future.

Hang on, bud. You can conquer it!

So it's morning, and I feel pretty good. My wife, consumed by her own to-do's this morning is totally oblivious. I find myself feeling angry at her when she doesn't want to have sex. I know, i KNOW that it isn't appropriate and I bite my tounge. It's just tough because I want to be with her. Internet porn began way before her but it makes me wonder if I use it to balance what I'm not always feeling from her.

So it's morning, and I feel pretty good. My wife, consumed by her own to-do's this morning is totally oblivious. I find myself feeling angry at her when she doesn't want to have sex. I know, i KNOW that it isn't appropriate and I bite my tounge. It's just tough because I want to be with her. Internet porn began way before her but it makes me wonder if I use it to balance what I'm not always feeling from her.

That's a great insight! So, you feel anger prior to getting online. That's an important thing to know.

Now think: what are you telling yourself before you go online about that anger? Are you doing it to get back at her? Are you doing it for relief? Are you doing it to make the anger go away?

What is the automatic thought you're telling yourself those mornings when you start surfing porn?

Most of the time relief. I get myself so worked up that it became a routine to start my day.
So far so good. I've never tried to stop before and I haven't really had a problem with it. It's become more of a routine for me but was edging on some really bad stuff. Scared me that my wife and I were hoping on having kids and then I'm seeing myself getting too involved in that stuff.

You sound a lot like I was a few years ago when I ended up cheating on my husband. It started with the porn and going to xmatch and such sites where people like me were looking for people to "talk" to which usually lead to meeting them. My husband didn't want sex at that time and we would go for literally months with no sex (6 months one time!) and it killed me. I ached back then because I wanted sex so badly and my husband would totally be oblivious and ignored me and acted like he could care less about my feelings. He acted like oh well it's my problem and who cares. We've come a long way since I cheated. It opened my eyes as well as my husbands eyes. We now have sex more regularly and it's more real and I no longer have the need to desire sex all the time like I used to. It's all evened out along the way.

And another thing that helped me was to find other interests. I started back to college and I have children that I focus on. I have little to no time to sit at a computer and stare at sexual matters nor do I even want to. It doesn't mean I don't masturbate. I still do that in private once everyone has gone to bed. ;-) But I do it in a more normal manner now.