I am feeling quite helpless. My mom, whom has struggled with eating disorders her entire life, and whom I have had a very trying relationship with, chose to raid my room when I was away today. In my room, I had had wrappers stashed about from previous binge sessions. I hurt that she went through my room, because it made me feel that she does not trust me... which I voiced and was heard. What affected me the most, was the amount of deep shame that I felt. I do not want to be this way. I do not have control over my relationship with food. I am disgusted with all I have gone thorugh in order to obtain food, and in the amounts in which I consume. I do not want to be this way. I do not know how to help myself... even talking to my therapist doesn't help because though incredible, he doesn't specialize in this sort of thing.
My partner is going through a very selfish self centred time with alcohol currently. He drinks around the clock 24/7. So much so I am slowly resenting him for how dare he treat me like this. I try to be there for him but he doesn't appreciate it at all.AlAnon helped me to begin with but why do I feel of it is giving me tools to deal with him. When in a way he is killing himself right in front of...
A few things have made me realize that I still have a struggle ahead.I was starting to feel strength; but I know that I am getting my strength from my support system, rather than from myself. I know I need to find inner strength, and count on myself moreso than my AA sponsor. I was (illogically) starting to build my strength around another person. That can't be good.