I was thinking about why I was doing so well in my sobriety and others may be struggling more than I am...is it because I am "better" in some way, have more will power, character, intelligence, information??? Heck No!!! What I am is someone who in the addiction parlance has "HIT BOTTOM". Hitting bottom means being at the lowest point in one's life when one's life is in total chaos and shambles as a result of the addiction to food and addictive personality. One's personal bottom is different from another. For as long as I think that I can lick this problem with my will power just because I will it...like normal people do..and why shouldn't I think that, I have enormous will power over other areas of my life, the food will continue to control me. Hitting bottom means ACCEPTING that I do not have the will power to resist in this one area of my life and that I need to build a raft of support, made of tools that would keep me afloat when stressors that trigger me to eat, hit. For as long as I looked at it as a weight loss, food, and dress size issue "alone", and not a feelings issue at it's "core", I wouldn't have to do the hard work of building those tools, tending to those roots, thickening the web. of support around me...I wouldn't have to exercise, eat on time, eat basic food groups, meditate, write my feelings, go to my shrink, take my meds, go online for support...nope..I would just rage at God for giving me this disease to begin with and why should I have to go through all those tools just to be able to control a basic human function like eating....I had hit bottom...I'm happy to say I'm paddling my little raft of sobriety...
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