Hey all.

I don't think us binge eaters can ignore the connection between being loved and craving a binge. I'm sure I'm not alone in this feeling, but lonely is exactly how you feel as you buy that family bag of crisps. Shut out the people, shut out the light.

This week I have been a fucked up mess, binge after binge, sitting in my bed and ignoring the world from under my sheets. And its all because a boy I have been dating has't called, once again. Its been a week now and no contact. When we are together, I'm a slim optimist who never nears the sweetie jar. I'm his ray of sunshine, he told me so. If only he knew. His rejection has led me to pile on the pounds in a state of manic depression. Why oh why do we need to be loved to feel self-worth?

As I sit here thinking of others who feel like this, I ask, how do things get better? Why can men play around with women and no matter what we tell ourselves we always manage to get emotionally attatched? Why couldn't they care less? Why does my silent phone drive me to the supermarket at one in the morning, daydreaming about a stronger women who would sigh and say "plenty more fish in the sea" before heading for the gym to feel good? Why can't this strong women come out, when she lives inside of all of us?

Still my phone doesn't ring. Its ok, I just want to sit here in the dark forever. And then maybe order some take out.