ok. See, here's the thing. My mum doesn't realise i have a problem; i never show it around people. In fact, because i was anorexic about 4 years ago, she thinks that during the times that i don't eat that much i'm going down 'the same pathway'. But the reason is that i binged on food beforehand...and therefore am just not hungry. I tried to tell her once...but she doesn't get it. My sister is still anorexic, so mum has enough to worry about. She yells at me during those times and weakens my resolve, and makes me feel so confused.I feel so bloody worthless. I have a phobia against psychiatrists and such...my throat used to clamp up when i went to them before, and all i could think was 'please, get me the #%*! out of here.' My mum is so freaked out about the idea that i could get anorexia again, that she doesn't really give a damn that i am moving up in sizes at the speed of light. man, this is embarassing. saying this. oh lordie. How am i supposed to help myself if the people closest to me are making it so darn hard?
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