Eventhough I'm not very overweight, I considere myself a food addict. I've suffered from anorexia and bulimia before, and now I feel I'm heading back towards bulimia and overeating.
Since I was a child, I saw myself as big. I really wasn't, but when you as a child feel abnormal, it is hard to ever feel ok with whatever you have problems with. So my problem was food. I didn't overeat much, but I remember I tried not to eat so much, and other times I couldn't help myself stop munching.
In 7th grade I gradually began to eat less. Didn't thought much about it, it felt as something I had to.
At middleschool, I really didn't eat. I lost a lot of weight, but when my parents threatened my about hospitalization, I slowly began to eat again. But inside me, my eating habits are forever broken.
I began to have some cravings. First, on fridays. Then fridays and wednesdays. And saturday and sunday was ok too. then I found out that I could throw the food up. At the end of middleschool, I developed bulimia. when I had eaten too much, I excercised and/or threw up.
Today, at my last year of high school, I don't starve myself or throw up anymore. I felt healthy some months ago, feeling I controlled the food, and not that the food controlled me.
Anyways..... I began to realize that food still is a problem. I think a lot about it. I often feel bad. I've gained weight during high school, and I really want to lose it, but I just end up craving.
Because I crave food. I need my dose of food, to loose myself in consumption of food. I feel free. I feel free from all the rules and the strict regimes, from all the hate and all the bad feelings I've felt about food since I was a little child.
food is alsoa way to deal with feelings. I eat to celebrat+to loose control, so I can relaxe in my head, not thinking about food,even only for some minutes
I'm glad I realized I actually have an addiction.-FOOD IS MY ADDICTION, AND I HATE IT.
I will try to stop eating those products I binge on. Chocolate and bread and other foods with a lot of starch gonna be the beginning.
In long term, my goals is to get back my healthy, happy weight, eat fruits, veggies, grains and good proteins. I will not have cravings, and if I have, I have learned a way to deal with it.
Food addiction is really hard, because you can't just quit eating, like a smoker can quit sigarettes. So from now on, I have some short term goals:
1) Eat proper meals. That means breakfast, lunch and dinner.
2) If I eat between meals, then I eat healthy snack. And when I snack, I snack in a stable state of mind. If I am upset, I will call my friends and we can talk, and then I can go for a walk with my friends on my phone.
3) I don't eat chocolate. Instead, I eat grapefruit or kiwis or tea.
Hope you will support me, this is gonna be hard. :(
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