I was able to go binge free for a year. and lost all kinds of weight...but then it went from one day a week to binge to two then to three then four and then just months of binging and well everyone looking at the bigger ....(so sad) i am either all in site and going out and sending all kinds of money to get whatever it is i want to binge on or totally restricting myself there is never ever any in between with me.....i HAVE to find some medium.

Aren't we here because we can't find a medium? I've never been one who could stop after one cookie, it's always been all or nothing for me. Unfortunately the past decade or so it's been all.

I had 3 children in 4 years and it changed my body. I now have people ask me if I'm pregnant or when I'm due. Having the 3 children in 4 years was a nice convenient excuse for awhile, but my youngest is 4 and it's getting old.

Unless you have the disorder they don't get it. No matter how hard I try to explain it to people they are clueless. Willpower has nothing to do with it. I am always very careful around other people what I eat, that is easy. It is when I get home that I can't stop eating rewarding myself for doing so well. I basically plan all my binges with massive amounts of food lined up. Because my metablosim is so screwed up after one day of bingeing I can blow up 15 lbs of water weight that takes at least a week to take off and then I start dreaming about food all over again. It is a vicious cyle that controls my life. I am currently going to OA meetings that are somewhat helpful. I guess all we can do is to keep trying...

Yes, I am the same. There is no happy medium. Its all or nothing! I wonder what it is to have lead us to think like this.

I pray we all get better soon !!!!

In high school my junior year I pretty much went the whole year w/o binging. I also went the whole year eating waaay too few calories and getting pretty tiny. Then senior year it all went downhill. I may get back on track for a month or so and lose some weight but then it all comes right back. Right now I binge almost every night and I can't stop which is why this tuesday I am going to my first theraphy session. Hopefully it helps. :-/

how bad is it that i can't even remember not binging? or at least a time where i didn't totally stuff myself. jeesh.

Until I owned the fact that I am a COE...I was on a multi year binge with a few days of sunshine in between...

(((Hugs))
Nicol

I went on a major binge in 2004, it was about 8-12 months long, and I gained 60 lbs. Needless to say it was not good. I went to Weight watchers, it really helped a lot. I still want to binge really badly, but the longer i stay on track the easier it gets to just forget about pigging out. before this year binge i used to do exactly what you did. Every year from maybe May/ June until September I would diet hardcore, lose 30 lbs, and then when i went to school slip off track. From Septemeber to April it would come back on 30-35 lbs. And then I'd start the whole cycle again! Yikes! It is bad, but you are not alone. I recommend weight watchers, it is not for everyone, but you might find it helpful.

I too am going through a rough patch. Historically, a couple of weeks is the longest I have gone without bingeing. Lately, I am proactive and in control Monday and Tuesday then start having the afternoon binges that get bigger and more sugary as the week goes on. By the weekend, I am lethargic and self-loathing. That is when I have the most time with my partner, and it is affecting our relationship. My internal struggles are interfering with my ability to be present when I am with him. It is winter here in New Zealand, and I always put on a little weight with the cold and less exercise that comes with not getting outdoors as much. My chubby body reminds me of my struggles and I feel shameful. My partner doesn't seem to mind but I project on him my own disgust.
The cycle is so familiar and so repetitively painful. I am sick of it, but haven't maintained my commitment to interrupting the cravings and emotions. Which, of course, in turn, brings back the feelings of shame and disgust that get the cycle going in the first place.

I participated in OA a couple of years ago and I continually remember the stool having 3 legs: emotional, physical, spiritual. If they aren't all equally strong, one falls over. The physical is cool, but the other two need some work.

It is unstructured time that is my nemesis at present. i don't know what to do with myself and become anxious and start eating. On my days off, I must find something or someone with whom I can occupy time. When I am busy, I am fulfilled. I also recognize that the time is an opportunity to reconnect with my higher power or just my inner voice.

My actions of late are not self-defining. I don't feel good about my choices that lead me to feel poorly, but it doesn't mean I am a bad person. I must forgive myself and move on.

I have binged the last 20 years of my marriage - have been married for 20 years! Its been off and on, mostly on but finding this site has changed so much for me and helped me focus on what OA's principles again. Stopping the binges seems to have given me my strength backd and things are changing in my marriage. I love my husband but have made too many sacrifices and now its time for me. Since I have been on this site I have been binge free (couple of months) - I don't always eat well but I will tackel the diet when I get back home.

Wow I can identify with almost every post I have read! Every time I have tried a "diet" or new eating plan, I never make it through the day and end up packing on a few more pounds. I'm trying to find a new approach this time around but keep coming up short. When I eat small portions at breakfast and lunch, I feel so deprived by dinner that I pig out. Or just the opposite - I am proud of my accomplishment and reward myself with a large piece of (fill in the blank with any sugary item you can think of)! Right now, I am interested in getting to the bottom of WHY I do this to myself?