in my addiction. I feel like I lead a double life- acting like a normal mom, wife, employee, and student. But really I am controlled by food. How pathetic is that. About 90% of the time it's so unconscious that not until the food is gone and the haze of the binge is over do I realize what I did. The 10% of the time it IS conscious I do well. i went to the grocery store for example today and picked up a large chocolate bar. I picked up a bag of cookies from the bakery, then put them back and picked up one from by the donuts. I left the store with my cookie and felt satisfied and proud of myself. Then after dinner- well, I ate a little extra. And then some more. And then more. Felt sick, fat and hopeless. What happened to those seconds between not overeating and overeating that gives me a chance to make a conscious choice? I don't remember having those....I needed those.
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