ME TOO!:(

i understand how you feel because my dad would say to me that I was eating too much and I would feel ashamed of myself but he didn't understand that I couldn't help it. But when he said those things it made me eat more because I felt so bad. I haven't binged in a few days now and I owe it all to god. If you pray to him and you make a promise to him and yourself, it works. I'm not forcing yourself to religion or anything but this is what worked for me because I was in your position.

My mind and body don't know how to quit, never feel full, always want breads and sweets. But it is so important to be healthier, more comfortable physically, and get out of the no limit food intake mind set. It takes lot of work, but DS is giving me help through others.

My food addiction has gotten to the exact same stage as yours, and I don't know what to do either! Yesterday I could barely breathe as I stuffed everything i bought at the grocery store. I felt like my stomach was going to burst, but yet I couldn't stop. I wanted more even though it wasn't for the taste of food anymore, and "more" didn't have a limit. I really wish this could end for everyone suffering with this eating disorder... Last year I was somehow able to completely get rid of my eating disorder because of a promise that I made to God.. I would tell Him how much and what i was going to eat, and a what times of the day.. and I also included A LOT of excersize. It worked for a couple months (3/4 months ) .. I lost 30 Kgs/ 66 pounds or so.. i never looked and felt so good as I did then... and then the food addiction came back when things in my life started getting bad and i turned to food for comfort. So, as of last year in April I've had this eating disorder again. Now nothing seems to have control over my addiction to food... even God, which is very sad.. I thought He would always be able to get me out of this mess, but unfortunately for me this is going to have to be a battle I will have to fight by myself now. I can only remember how things were so amazing when food was something that was not on your mind 24hrs/day.. and I would be so happy when I looked at my body and saw that I wasn't fat anymore.. but now that's all gone, and I'm at a worse stage than I ever was because I weigh a lot more than I did before I even started to lose weight last year...
I think the only thing that can save us all is comfort and love in something else in our lives.. a drastic change in our lives for the better.. which is something that is obviously very hard to get because otherwise we wouldn't be in this mess...

Right now I am not bingeing BUT I have been where you are right now and its an awful place to be - the contant eating and thinking about food, any food and you are right in that you don't even taste it, to me it felt like insanity, there was just no reason for it. However there is one type of food I never binged and that was vegetables - it was always the other stuff that puts the weight on. Just the fact that you have posted on this site means that you do know what to do - you have to find a way to stop your food addiction. There are many things that are responsible for food addiction and they vary from person to person but I think that the majority of us eat from emotional needs. Personally I have found wonderful help on this site which has helped me after 20 years of struggling with food. Just doing the journal regularly and putting down all my feelings and emotions helped and then there are others on this site who have cared and supported me. I feel so sad knowing you are feeling so awful but the only person who can help you is YOU. Take care and lots of hugs because you deserve it and you deserve a better life.

Theunknownmartian - I am not a Christian, but maybe the way you could look at it is that your God wants you to be independent, not always depending on Him for help. Like any parent, he may be trying to ensure his child develops and is happy in themselves, as it feels better knowing you alone have achieved something and maybe that is what He wants for you.

I write or read when I get into that panicky, crazed mode. Believe it or not I know exactly what you mean.

First I start by writting because there is a reason behind why your stuffing your face, and we both know if it's not hunger its emotional. Get all of that junk out! It really feels wonderful so put it all down on paper. And by that point your already in more control of the situation.

I have found that for me, and food it is a matter of control. If I tell myself I can't eat this or I can't eat that then I always end up binging like this. But, I recently discovered through a friend that if you accept you can have anything you want, it makes it easier to say no. Like I am vegetarian and I look at it the same way. I know I could have meat, but I choose not to. I choose not to because I know that I feel that is a lifestyle I don't want to live, the same with food I don't want to live putting shit in my body and feeling shitty about it not only while doing it, but after I do it, and for prolonged periods afterward knowing that that shit is staying in my body and takes a ton of work and time to get it out.

Art also helps me, even going outside for a walk to get some fresh air! I mean remove your self from anything that would make your valuable, and take deep breaths. Food in your life WILL NOT control you, you WILL control it. I believe in you honey! We all have the strength within our selves, it's just a matter of realizing we do and using it.

GOOD LUCK!

oh gosh, do i understand these feelings. you articulated them so well by the way. there are times when i eat that i feel absolutely out of control. it scares me and i have a lot of self loathing about that. seriously, this is the only area of my life that i am ashamed of. i don't know what to do either. i am new here and i feel so grateful to find so many like me.

hang in there september rose. i will try to as well.

peace