I love food but I HATE IT TOO. I lost 60kg last year and to be honest some may not understand this but I HATED the reaction I got from people. They were falling all over me saying how gorgeous I was etc. I would walk away and got to the point where I didn't want to see anyone. I was still the same person in side but outside had change. Its amazing how insentive society is. I have put it all back on and probably even then some. I won't stand on any scales but no longer have any clothes that will fit. I won't leave the house now because of the "elevator stare" (the up and down look) NOW food is the only thing that lights up my face. My husband comes home with food and I almost dive on him to get it. I feel excited to eat it and look like the cat that has got the mouse UNTIL.....I have finished it and then I feel sick and disgusted with myself. I control it for a little while and then binge like there is no tomorrow. Nighttime is the worst time for me when my husband is asleep I go and raid the fridge and it really doesn't matter what I get I will gobble it down till I feel physically and emotionally sick. I get to points where all I think about is food. I HATE IT!!!!!! I am new here also and just want my time here to be helpful and that others too know what I am saying and maybe have some ideas on how to stop these feelings. I think my feelings run deeper than looking cosmetically better but a place of acceptance of who I am I THINK. It may sound like dribble but its the best I can do to explain it. I hope to make many friends here so we can support each other through our journeys of "acceptance".