I don't think I can remember a time in my life when I haven't been obsessed with food. I was anorectic by age 9, bulimic at 16 and a compulsive over eater by the time I went to college. When I was younger I thought people saw me as no fun because I never ate out or did anything revolving around food. Anorexia ruled my life. When I went away to college I saw it as the perfect opportunity to reinvent myself. I ate everything and went back for seconds. People loved the little girl who ate everything. Now, 9 years later, I struggle with weight gain and hating myself. Sometimes I feel like I make myself eat as a punishment for things I feel I have done wrong. I have done the Weight Watchers thing and the diet pill thing. Sometimes I wish I could just go back to being anorectic. Sure, I hated myself just as much then but I could at least fit into my clothes. I feel miserable and I don't know how to cope with this burden. I think about food all the time and I don't want to be this way anymore. This site is a last ditch effort. Any advice?
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