Ok I am confused. Well maybe confused is the wrong word. You know I love to come here and read the posts and help out others with whom I can relate. However, there are moments, like right now for me, where I feel like that it really doesnt matter. No one really cares what the hell I am saying or what my F@#! opinion is about any d@$#* thing. And I throw my hands up and say "Why"??? I want so much to help not be a burden. But if all I am doing is sharing too much of myself while others judge me and don't really care whether I am here or not. Then why bother. I can move on so I wont upset others. I am a big girl. And part of me is venting through my frustration and anger from other things in my life not just here on DS but I dont know what else to do. I guess I feel like I should run away from eveyrone or completely close myself off emotionally and isolate myself. It somehow makes it easier to deal with things. And obviously I am not doing that too well if I am allowing little things to get to me that normally I wouldnt have even noticed!! I hate myself right now. I hate what I am going through. I hate the people who did and are doing it ot me. And I dont know how to deal with the conflict within me where i have all that anger and hatred on one side and on the other side i love them so much that i feel guilty and ashamed for the negative emotions. But I am still not able to come to terms with anything because I can't full embrace either side without feeling like I haven't completely dealt with how i feel. I think maybe I am still focusing on how everyone else feels but me...Dear God, Am I going crazy? God honestly tell me? Should I check myself into a state hospital? I don't know what to think anymore and this is stupid that I am letting little thigns get to me... I am sorry everyone. I am so sorry. I hate this...Forgive me.

tink