I need to vent this out. I’m having a very rough day. The fibro pain is vicious, especially in my ribs and legs. My IBS has been very nasty today too. And over all of that, the depression is crushing me.
I know why. Tomorrow is my interview to get the job that I’ve been doing for a year. In all likelihood, I’ve a good chance of getting it. But if I don’t get it, I lose the job I have. I’ve been working so hard, and I guess I’m trying to prepare for the worst. It’s possible that I won’t get this job, in part because I only have a bachelor’s degree. Around this place, if you want to get somewhere, you need to have a lot of alphabet soup after your name. (I work at a University.)
I guess the real problem is that I don’t want this job. I don’t want any job. It’s so hard; it consumes everything. I don’t like living this way—just surviving every day, barely hanging on. I need to say it here—that I don’t want to work, and it’s not fair that I couldn’t get disability after paying into the system for so long.
Yet I’m supposed to want it. And if I don’t get this one, I have to find another one. Financially I know I have to.
I hate this feeling. I’m drowning in pain, fatigue, guilt, and responsibilities.
Thanks for listening.
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